im still very torn between blogger and tumblr. a lot more of inspiration is on tumblr, and it may stay that way. but it may also stay here. so, say to me on there. :) and check in on me, here!

http://calmheart.tumblr.com

love, always.

tumblr.

i did not disregard you, dear sweet blogger of mine.

i tumble now, too.

http://calmheart.tumblr.com

this will be used for more words. more daily activities. tumblr will be used for more inspiration.

ive decided i want to start writing again. little things, big things, things that rhyme. but to do this, i need inspiration. from words, art, other soul seekers. which is why i tumble now. you understand, i know you do.

love, words, life, sweetness.

M

fears lately

i have but i havent been a lost soul lately. my head has been clouded with germs and my brain has been stuffed with anxiety regarding my comprehensive exam and graduation. i am trying so hard to be in many places at once, but i am learning i cannot. and i feel i am hurting others while doing this.

the truth is, i dont know what is going to happen when i graduate. i am overwhelmed by the fact that i have a lot of clinical work i need to dive right into, and i am excited, but i dont know how i am going to manage this, truthfully. i can barely handle my life, right now. will it be like school again? what are my hours going to be? are my new co-workers going to be nice? i dont even know anyone who works directly in this field! i dont know what theyre like! 

there are many institutes (freudian / jungarian / rogerian) that offer amazing practices in their field, offer you clinical trails towards your clinical hours (which are mandated by the state) and pay you in return with free courses. by the end of two years you will be certified in their particular therapy, but there's no pay. no benefits. only education. and i know that beginning of psychotherapy work sometimes means free caseloads, but am i ready for it? i dont know. i am just stuck. i bought a book today called 'your career in psychology: making your graduate degree work' and i read one page and had to shut it because im too nervous. this is a new field for me, the only education i have had is my school work, and i wonder if that is too little. 

if tim gunn was here, he would say, 'melissa, make it work'. but for once in my life, i dont know if i can. i dont even know where to start. i need to find a strong mentor. to guide me and hold my hand and tell me im going to be okay.

oh, busy september.

october, i need you. and your pumpkins. and your colours. and SCENTS.

things to do in october if you are me:

• bye bye birdie with a favourite lady to see a gorgeous sunshine act his heart out. he is loved. cherished. adorable. he is matt doyle. hands down, one of the most genuine and talented individuals i have ever known. he has eyes that welcome you and a puppy who is just precious. he is an old-soul. an always favourite. 
• a lady gaga dance a thon. she is hosting. i am boogying. so much good in that sentence. with every gay boy i know in new york city. all to raise money for equality for america. lady gaga is a woman of my own, supportin her boys, as do i, and i cant wait to shake ma' groove thang with everyone.
• billy elliot. finally. i am beyond out of the broadway loop, so please bare with me.
• the avett brothers with the family. they just came out with a gorgeous album. today, actually. i mean, gorgeous. to the point where when tim and i talk about it, the only words that come out of our mouths are "oh my god, I KNOW".  it's one of the prettiest and most beautiful albums i have heard, in a long time. the opening track (i and love and you, also the title of their album) gives me chills. it's just. perfect.
• MIKA. need i say more? another night of dancing.
• weezer. on halloween. seriously, kids, seriously...

and then you know. the usual. getting by. slowly but surely.

ive been battling  a cold. i need to cleanse. (in many forms). and sleep. and become fresh. 

and think.

change.

act.

be.

love.

a week of firsts

my first last day of graduate school (a tongue twister, but delightful).

my first book club meeting with some fabulous local manhattan ladies (such rich conversation, lovely ladies, delicious food, wine that kept flowing and dancing in our glasses).

& my least favourite first... my first fender bender. on september 11th, none the less. also, my grandmothers birthday.

i went to long island on friday. with a minorly broken car and an urge to be hugged by my family. i arrived in sweatpants, and left sunday morning, in sweatpants. the same ones. it was that sort of weekend. watched many movies (including the secret life of bees with the woman of my heart - my dear grandmother), ate a lot of yummy foods and snacks. turned off my phone. did nothing, and felt okay with it.
had a way early morning breakfast with G on saturday morning at a local favorite spot, and then did my yoga practice (sans mat) in grass wet with dew. we had all intentions of going to him and his partner's abode on fire island, but life/relaxation/conversation got in the way. realized how grateful i am for family, friends of all sorts, breathing, kitties and to be balanced by and through love.

no matter what, i am never alone. i have myself, you, them and everything around me. never lonely, never alone, always being and living. grateful. taking a moment (everyday) to express my gratitude - to myself, you, them and everything around me. life happens, things happen, but we grow. never alone. always with a gentle hand and gentle wings helping us. even when we cant see, they are there. take a moment and feel it. a gentle breeze touching your shoulder. a stranger's smile. a bird singing in the morning. all there to show we are not alone. teaching us. monitoring us. and loving us. always.

i have a lot of emotion to spill, but this isnt the place. too there, too raw, too personal.

to hand writing i go.

i have finally fallen back into my yoga routine. i forget how fantastic and whole my body feels after a 90 minute practice. i forgot what i am capable i am doing, and how beautifully my body moves into each pose. ive been in a strange sort of mind today, and my practice was a little difficult tonight. 

but i got through it. 

by breathing. 

it's amazing how our breath works and how it controls our body and emotions. when you think you cant do something, you breath your way through it. deep inhales, long exhales. when youre stressed and your breath is sort, it's breathing that keeps you calm and brings you back to being. all of this i learned through yoga. how to handle any given situation and open my brain through breathing. it's a beautiful feeling, to breath and to control your breathing. through the art of yoga and the art of running. in. out. inhale. exhale.

this weekend i am leaving the city for some R&R at matty's boss' property in montauk. ive heard so many magical things about this property, and i am more then thrilled to be spending a few days out there. the thought of no cell phone service makes me smile internally/externally/all over. the thought of good food, good drinks and my boys with crickets chirping and waves crashing is already very meditating and relaxing. and stars! i cant wait to look at those flames in the sky that light my world.

sad though. summer is really over. today i napped after work, and i needed a blanket. A BLANKET! summer, i miss you. you were good to me. but fall, i love you. you know this. the smells, the feeling, the boots... stay with me always.

not sleeping. watching this instead:

summer lovin, had me a blast

this summer flew by and took no prisoners. i do not even know what i have to show for the summer, except for a VERY weak tan, 30 bottles of wine, about ten extra pounds from cheese i consumed in napa valley and amazing memories. 

from montauk to the hamptons to fire island to the flu to meg bayley lovefest in medford to surprise visits from cody to beer garden nights to many shows to brinner to dinner to whiskey hangovers and spatan hangovers to my boys boys boys to surviving my first summer in the city to napa valley and san fran to turning twenty five to my grandparents celebrating sixty years of marriage to planning and doing and attacking my bucket list - 2009 bought in a damn good summer. 

but im selfish. and i love fall. and i want fall. apples and pumpkin pancakes and hot apple cider. fall is also a time when i celebrate a year at work (it seriously went so fast!) and some of my favourite work related activities happen in the fall... the olds halloween party, shea and i cooking up thanksgiving dinner, christmas happiness and all the sort. rushing the seasons, i may be. but i am doing it all with love and joyfulness. i promise.

today is daughter's day

and i can only hope that i am continuing to make my mama proud.

"There's magic in a Mother's touch,
And sunshine in her smile.
There's love in everything she does
To make our lives worthwhile.
We can find both hope and courage
Just by looking in her eyes.
Her laughter is a source of joy,
Her words are warm and wise.
There is a kindness and compassion
To be found in her embrace,
And we see the light of heaven
Shining from a Mother's face".

turning twenty-five without my mother by my side was difficult. i probably took it far more too emotional then i should have or then you think it really is. and although i had an amazing birthday with my three favourite people and received so much birthday love - there is something about wanting to turn a monumental age with your mom there to support you, praise you and sing to you. each year only gets harder, and that is the only piece of advice i can offer to anyone who has lost a parent. they tell you it gets easier and easier, but as you get older, you only yearn for that family togetherness more. i miss it. a lot of it. parts i never had and parts i cant even remember. i only go by photos, others peoples stories about her and little pieces of her that remain; her journal, a quilt, jewelry, keepsakes, etc. lately, part of me feels lost without her there. but i keep moving. trucking along. and hoping i am making her proud.

ciao!

im leaving tomorrow for the west coast. san fran. FINALLY. with the other half of my heart and my lady love. to see family / friends. dance. eat. drink. relax. love. explore. and celebrate my 25th. excited is a complete understatement. i had a crazy week leading up to this and i am ready. to just be. to have no cares. 

till then --

love love love.

i could not love my best friend anymore.

and i am four tickets richer to see ingrid michaelson! 

love. 

this N that

just ordered artwork for my apartment.

excited to see my DC-becca-babe tomorrow.

loving running at night.

missing yoga classes.

needing more time to explore.

trying lavender sleep lotion at night.

diggin' orange ginger anything/everything.

seeing my baby kitties grow.

admiring this lady: http://www.curlygirldesign.com/

watching my hair grow wild. 

blogging/twittering about nothing.

itching to read more books.

putting off papers.

eating more starches.

painting everything/anything yellow.

thanking you. 

JOY-FULL.

“I do it for the joy it brings, cause I'm a joyful girl. 'Cause the world owes us nothing, we owe each other the world.” -a.d.

“The world is extremely interesting to a joyful soul.” -a.s.

today is friendship day. 

i celebrated early in brooklyn at chad's apartment with my best friends. i needed some fresh air after being cooped in a house all week. (but i didnt over do it!) a night out with george, jonathan, matty and even a little visit from dom & his boo - just what the doctor ordered. we danced. and i mean, we DANCED. shook our booties all night long at an after party at sugarland and sweat through our clothes. loved every minute of it. spoke spanish to my new friends (really, shea, i did!), screamed through every lady gaga song that was played and learned the joy of saying "5, 6, 7, 8 before breaking a move".

those boys. always wonderful. always grateful for them. can always count on matt to live life by the horn, can always count on george to say "screw guys, i just wanna dance," and can always count on jonathan for being the practical one. and to my friends who i am without on friendship day. always loving you - always thinking of you and always needing you. you're all my rocks. near and far, always always always mine.

while in brooklyn though, jonathan and i came to discover that it almost a tiny bit scares us. chad lives on bedford ave in williamsburg, where the straight boys look gay, and the gay boys look very dirty and trailer-park esque. oh, the life of the hipster. in brooklyn. confusing. an art form. i will never understand.

gratitude time.

Let us rise up and be thankful; for if we didn't learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little, at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn't die; so, let us all be thankful.

i know it's not thanksgiving. but lately, i feel blessed. and for this, i am thankful for:

- my lovely grandparents for taking care of their flu-ridden golden child this week. no holding back, they were there. to make eggs, pour oj, feed me my meds, trips to the doctor, changing my bedsheets. little gray hair'd angels, they are. but not just for healing me when i am sick, but for so much more. they amaze me. they adopted me as one of their own when i was ten, and i can never repay them for painting such a gorgeous life for me. a life where i had freedom, went away to school, studied in spain, developed so many beautiful friendships and become who i am today. i love. always. (and i am not embarrassed to admit it. and i was NEVER embarrassed to admit i lived with them either. i always said it loud and proud! who wouldnt when sebna are your grandparents?! c'mon now, they play rock band!)

- kate. for always keeping me sane. always being there. even when i think she wont be there, she is there. like magic! to make me laugh and make me cry. to hold my hand when things are shaky and to know when cheese is the answer.

- my family. for raising me, guiding me, enlightening me and allowing me to be me. we're a crazy, loud, partyin, lawn-guyland crowd. but we rule.

- heartbreak. heartache. losing my first love. we all need that to realize our inner strength. {and so what if i heard a song today that reminded me of him and bawled? that's okay. cleansing is good!}

- intelligence, humor, wit, gratitude, creativity, a bad singing voice -- i love it all! my qualities are beautiful.

- g, my heart. my guider, my rock, my inspiration. i crave his strength and abilities. for always being there and for making me feel like i always matter. (& for getting gifts every year and as i open them hearing "oh. i forgot to get you a card. heh heh, well, it's from me!")

- t, my heterosexual lifemate. my girlfriend. my maid of honor who has my speech written out and my playlist picked, too. and the girl who spends $52 on underwear. always armed and ready for blue moon & and jukebox.

- my mom. for creating me. for being so brave. for fighting for her life. for her art, her journal, her jewelry. for leaving behind pieces of her that are pieces of me. the stories i hear about her, keep them coming. tell me more. she lives forever in my soul and my everyday. 

- my quilts. all hand sewn by lovely, strong, beautiful women in my family. many done solely by my grandmother. forever cherished, to be passed down for years/centuries to come.

- faith. questionable but believable. for guidance, breathing, accepting and prayer. for knowing my mom sits in a good place. for knowing that she watches over me. for knowing that the feelings i have, such as my hair moving with no gust of wind, is her. leaning over my shoulder.

- lamps. i just dislike overhead lighting very much.

- my meg bayley - for dancing, being, living and seeing. my other soul, my other eyes, my other mind, my other queen, on the east end. for staying true, finding herself, being a cute yogini and taking a wild journey with me. my little lotus flower.

- my work my work my work. but more importantly, my work wonder-twin. for actually allowing herself to be my work wonder-twin! for laughing at my jokes that are not funny. and for the smiles. and the flowers on my desk after a difficult few days off. and for having an amazing amount of strength, faith, love and happiness towards life and others. nothing but the upmost respect for my wonder-twin. 

- sea shells. a collection my mother started and i continued. all over my bedroom. to remind me of her and to feel closer to her. to remind me of places traveled and summers spent in fire island. to help me realize that anything is possible. and that i am strong. 

- colors. for making drab things beautiful. possibilities. hope.

- LOVE. because without love, how could i even develop a list of things i am thankful for? 

em aye eh?

have i been?

i have.

trying to find a balance. it was a bad week. one of those where you really didnt leave the bed. at all. in my case, i literally, could not leave my bed. i was bed ridden. per doctors notes. but before that, it all started wrong, ended wrong-er, but i hope now will make a change.

ps: my cats BETTER stop eating my plants OR ELSE...

holy meows

i have two new kitties that are quite ridiculous. i believe i have been spamming/pimping them out moreso on twitter (for shea's sake, she is very anti-kitties but pro melissa's blog). they are like two babies. always needing, getting into trouble and fighting. brotherly love, i suppose. their names are mr. darcy (he is mine, named after jane austen's finest novel. he's the orange tabby) and cleo (he is zan's egyptian kitty. gorgeous). they run around at crazy hours of the night but are love bugs.

life is GOOD. like that bumper sticker. that logo. with the stick figure. you know? hectic, humid, hot but sweet, none the less. this past weekend, my best friend from college came to nyc and SURPRISED me. i almost cried when he told me. he arrived on friday around six pm, where we went straight to margaritaville and then to the beer garden. stumbled home at 4 am only to wake up bright and early for brunch. he is a class act.

this weekend i am getting (yet some more) rest & relaxation as i head to my family's abode on fire island. just the girls. aunts and younger cousins. margaritas (well, for the aunts and this chick), sand, dancing, laughing and bonding. they are sweet. this fall, my grandparents celebrate their 60th wedding anniversary. can you believe it?! and it's hippie themed. can you believe THAT!? they are so sweet. without them, there would be none of this. i am forever grateful to be their golden child. they inspire me.

i am anxious for fall (already). zan and i have tickets to see ingrid michaelson and a little after that ~ tim-bo and his super sweet girlfriend and i have tickets for the avett brothers. there's nothin like seeing that band with your family and some dark brews. while wearing plaid. and prepping for a halloween party.
(can you tell autumn is my favourite season?)

that's that. for now.

this is:

beautiful
powerful
moving
love
sad
funny
gorgeous
genius
unreal
a true, honest, raw memoir.

http://www.dayswithmyfather.com

(thanks, kate, for sharing).

gorgeous / delightful / unique / breathtaking:

olivia bee photography.

hi!

i just came back from a whirl-wind of time off. 

i went to montauk with gb & his family for his 26th birthday. 26! i love birthdays of all kinds. old or young, i will cherish your birthday. however, this birthday for my dear friend was a quiet, unmentionable, but fun one. this birthday was his first birthday without his mom. celebrated in a place that was/is his mom's favourite place. without her. the first of anything without a parent, hurts. so we packed up some cars, and went to montauk. his family, his partner and me!, his honorary partner (yes, this is what his family calls me).

a delicious time. a time to reflect, to miss, to remember and to laugh. we bbq'd, we danced on the beach under the stars, we ate our hearts out, we inhaled blue moons under the moon and we loved. i am forever grateful for gb and all of his strength. as much as he says i am his rock, he really is mine and i could never compare to him. he is always doing for others and always living up to his highest potential. despite circumstances, he remains carefree, doing and being. i admire / look up / love and adore him.

the week before (was this mentioned? i dont know) i spent a few days in the hampton bays with my bestest of best ladyfriend, a brooklyn socialite and an emu-lovin lady. laid in the sun, (once again) ate our hearts out, and bonded the way ladies should. (ie: drank champagne, watched sixteen and pregnant, walked around in our undies and shopped). 

in between all of these getaways, my dear, loving, beautiful, gorgeous, sunny friend, shea, celebrated a birthday, too! she came to work where i then came in baring gifts, sunflowers and cupcakes. she is a dear. everyone needs a shea in their life. really. they do!

all of my celebrations and getaways are coming to an end, however. my room needs cleaning, my apartment is a mess and my homework piles up. PLUS, i have two kitties i need to pick up and bring home today. new additions. gorgeous, furry, purring additions!

im still here

kicking, laughing, loving, living and breathing.

meg bayley,

you made my girls only sunday funday the best.

lovin.

xoxo

i am just. exhausted.
on all levels.
right now.

next week at this time i will be on a beach in the hamptons. with my phone shut off. for peace and quiet. with no concerns. no worries. no anxiety. no stress. just me. the air. three sassy ladies. and the beach. days OFF. much needed.

the following week i am taking a mini vacation with g & his family for his birthday. again. days off. cell phone off. nothing but relaxation, bathing suits, laughter and good food.

life, i really believe, is about falling in love. with ideas, with stories, with experiences, mistakes, adventures, poetry, imaginations, old books, new books, movies, music, and, of course, people. everything that is worthwhile in this world is worth falling in love with, and i can’t imagine a better way to live one’s life than to be always head over heels.

what are YOU in love with?

looking forward to:

adopting two kitties. sunshine for good. yellow yellow yellow. sleeping tonight.
with the windows open. breakfast tomorrow. a cup of tea sooner then later. a
walk in the sun. a relaxing weekend. an ice cream party. reading new york
magazine on the subway. getting my new bathing suit so it can finally feel like
summer. this. now. being.

where you come from

"When you realize where you come from, you naturally become tolerant, amused, kindhearted as a grandmother, and dignified as a king. Immersed in wonder, you can deal with whatever life brings you, and when death comes, you are ready."


- Lao Tzu

my hair misses being lovely. and long.

why do bad things happen to good people?

especially people i love. people i consider my family. people who know me more then i know me. why all the pain? what does it teach us?

it's raining, it's pouring...

... im pretty sure my grandpa is still snoring :)

today the universe told me, "one must let go in order to be free". while this holds many different meanings, lemme tell you something. i am SO ready to let go of this gosh-awful RAIN. seriously now. three weeks of grey clouds and droplets of water is not healthy for our environment and surely not healthy on our mental health. give it up, mother nature! let's have a few days of sunshine, warm weather and sun kissed skin! instead, i both smell and look like a wet dog. delicious.

on other notes, did everyone/anything see so you think you can dance last night? um, hell-o, brandon doing the disco.



i watched it this morning (yes shea, this is what you missed at work this far) and have such a SMILE on my face. watch it, it'll make the rain clouds disappear for five minutes and you will picture yourself wearing six-inch glitter platforms. truuuuust me.

i work with old people, and this being said, they are some of my favorite people out there.

just the other day, i left my office and was walking to the subway. as i was walking, i saw one of my favorite little mister's walking towards me. we stopped, and as always, his face lit up, he gave me a kiss on each cheek and kept saying 'IT'S SO GOOD TO SEE YOU!'. just his energy and zest always makes me happy. no matter what's going on in his life or health, when he sees shea or myself, he lights up. as we were getting ready to go about our ways, he took out his wallet, and showed me a photo he carries around of shea and i in his wallet.
the only photo in his wallet.
right there, front and center.
us.
he said he kisses it every morning, and everytime he takes out his wallet, because 'you two are good girls! my girls!' (said in a thick greek accent). my heart burst. to know that some people can truly care and love you, and take you into their heart and call you their family.

this job. these people. some of the sweetest. they are little rare jems with grey hair, walkers, wheelchairs, dentures and hearts of gold who have in so many ways, touched my heart, personally and professionally, and welcomed me into their lives, family, homes and soul. forever grateful.

dear you,

Drop the idea of becoming someone, because you are already a masterpiece. You cannot be improved. You have only to come to it, to know it, to realize it.

love,
me.

yes, please.

20 of the worlds most beautiful libraries.

strong.

I’ve never tried to block out the memories of the past, even though some are painful. I don’t understand people who hide from their past. Everything you live through helps to make you the person you are now.
Sophia Loren

why my guy friends rule:

sitting in grey dog cafe. a favorite place. a common meeting ground. a friend home. a home away from home. on a calm, cool, breezy june eve. after a rainstorm. a bulldog sitting out front. sandwiches. soup. wraps. unknown beers. coming through a fence. smiles. new buzzed haircuts (gb). new wispy do's (cs). humid happy hair (mt). friendly winks (mr). my favourite laugh (ag). celebrating... the bar exam, mental health comp exam, new apt in brklyn, a book project, gmats. getting a running-into-my-arms hug from a birthday boy (ap). a surprise favorite cookie for myself. a surprise batch of red velvets. re-capping. re-living. planning. discussing. such a chilled night. a favorite.

"In the end, Marvelous Melissa, all you have are memories, and usually the ones you have with friends are the ones you treasure most.

I got you, babe -
The Universe"

so you think you can -

i am normally NOT a sucker for tv. of course, being that i have tv AND a fancy dvr in my apartment, i am a sucker to a zillion cooking shows, a zillion HGTV shows, a zillion tlc shows (the little couple! adorable), a zillion history channel shows, ace of cakes (personal favorite) and my newest guilty pleasure - so you think you can dance.

and this guy. he's the reason why.

(2008 audition)


(2009 audition)


when i first saw his 2009 audition, i had chills all over my body and was a sobbing mess. he makes it look so easy, but he puts so much emotion into every move. every step is taken with care, love and thought. brandon bryant. he blows my mind. he gives me inspiration to dust off my modern dance textbooks and break out some new routines.

for mbee,

"I will greet this day with love in my heart. And how will I do this? Henceforth will I look on all things with love and be born again. I will love the sun for it warms my bones; yet I will love the rain for it cleanses my spirit. I will love the light for it shows me the way; yet I will love the darkness for it shows me the stars. I will welcome happiness as it enlarges my heart; yet I will endure sadness for it opens my soul. I will acknowledge rewards for they are my due; yet I will welcome obstacles for they are my challenge."
- Og Mandino

always thinkin' of you. xo.

“I would ask every man and every woman who’s had the blessing of having children, ‘Would you deny your son or your daughter the ecstasy of finding someone to love?' To love someone takes a lot of courage. So how much more is one challenged when the love is of the same sex and the laws say, ‘I forbid you from loving this person’?”
- Maya Angelou, phoning New York state Sen. Shirley L. Huntley (D-Queens) and asking that she support marriage equality.

life-ful. full of life.

life has been, well, life-ful lately.

i have began a part-time job, to help offset the ridiculous costs of a master's degree, and it's a sucker of time. in the midst of working full time, then park time, then going to school ive been busy. hectic. swamped. napless. i watched one of my best friends move out of new york city, back to dc (luckily though, she is already back for a visit this weekend!), i have watched familiar & friendly faces win tony's (the award, not the person), i have hopped on the iPhone band wagon (an extreme dark side), i have seen ryan adams enjoy live music at joe's pub (surreal surreal surreal!) and tonight, i am not only giving a five minute speech at a middle school graduation, im also seeing jenny lewis!

time for sleep, you ask? never. none.

a happy little yoga studio opened near my apartment. i urge you to come to astoria just for some morning meditations and midnight yoga. {the giving tree yoga studio}. and then of course, visit me!

i have also succumbed to making a lot of new recipes. george and i are the master of lentil salads these days, it seems. i also strongly recommend this spinach and strawberry salad. truuuuust me.

There will always be people in your life, Marvelous Melissa, who hold you back, who cost you too much, and who fail to see all you've done for them. But, of course, they're just there to teach you that you do have time, that you'll always be rich, and that your own high standards are all that matter.

i think this hits home. for so many of us. we all know that one person who completely drains us. who we may not even like... but we still go above and beyond for that person. why? because that's what we're used to. and no matter how many times they kick us down, we still are there for them -- holding them up, cheering for them and being there. and no matter how much they drain out of us, at the end of the day, we're still the same amazing person we were destined to be. the person who sees the good in the bad and the person who makes the most out of a little.

ryan adams, on why he writes:


"It feels like the noble thing to do in a world of fake smiles, cowards and so, so many undocumented miracles if standing in the middle of parking lots and laughing for no reason was one. And to see how many times I can get away with the word unicorn in otherwise unsettled text. And vanity. Vanity. Vanity."

if I wait to be
perfect
before I love myself
I will always be
unsatisfied
and ungrateful

if I wait until
all the flaws, chips,
and cracks disappear
I will be the cup
that stands on the shelf
and is never used

tonight:

this gorgeous lady, with some of my favourite gorgeous lady friends. directly after some over indulging at s'mac nyc. life is good.

metta prayer

may all beings be peaceful.

may all beings be happy.

may all beings be safe.

may all beings be awaken to the light of their true nature.

may all beings be free.

"When you give of yourself something new comes in to being... the world expands, a bit of goodness is brought forth and a small miracle occurs. You must never underestimate this miracle. Too many good people think they have to become Mother Teresa or Albert Schweitzer, or even Santa Claus, and perform great acts if they are to be givers. They don't see the simple openings of the heart that can be practiced anywhere with almost anyone."

im sitting at my desk with a delicious iced vanilla chai. on a gorgeous city day.

this weekend was a weekend of firsts. the first of my part time job in the middle of times square. the first of a visit to the frying pan in chelsea (and what a glorious place it is! boats that are really docked resturants where i had first row seats to watch the sunset). the first of aimlessly walking around union square on a gorgeous sunday to score a new favourite vintage ring. the first strawberry salad of the season. the first feeling that it IS summer.

today is the opposite. today is my first day of my last day of summer classes. i start my internship course today, which means i am down to the nitty gritty. six more months until i am certified as a mental health counselor. my year and a half in the program flew by, so i know these two semesters are going to speed by.
exciting. nervous. happy. sad.

and on that note:
"It may be that when we no longer know what to do, we have come to our real work and when we no longer know which way to go, we have begun our real journey. The mind that is not baffled is not employed. The impeded stream is the one that sings."

the universe always knows. always.

as if i did not already love the marriage of (my main man) ryan adams & mandy moore...

she pulls this out of her sleeve.

let's all just remember that his first book was dedicated to 'bug'.

i love these two.

BUG.

by: mandy moore.

what would happen if i flew to San Francisco
wouldn't make much sense
from the outside looking in
coming around again

all the answers
far too many questions
all the thing we said
never really put to bed
coming around again

you know i love you
what am i supposed to do
you're so far away
i stay on track
you're all over the map
come back to L.A.

you know i love you
what am i supposed to do
I've been here before
i stay on track
you're all over the map
come back to New York

is this the only way for us to communicate
i put it in a song
didn't really take too long
coming around again
coming around again

what makes you smile?

currently:

- life

- breathing

- an ah-mazing stretch

- bright nailpolish

- green tea

- water. water. water!

- my plants

- my grandmother's facebook account

- calming scents

- the new shower curtain in my bathroom

- smiles from strangers

- smiling at strangers

- recycling! 

- declaring that i need an intervention from the show intervention

- dvr. yes. i said it.

- strong legs

- sunny mornings

- bagels. mmmm

thank you michelle for making ME smile. xo.

extreme freggin yoga:

61-Year-Old Guru BMX Balances on Bike, 300ft Up!

take a moment

did you ever stop and realize how beautiful your life is? it's the little things that make us all happy. it's not having the newest electronic gadget or the trendiest clothes, it's about simplicity and making do with what we have.

for example, i have two email addresses. personal and work. my personal email address was constantly being spammed with advertisements and nonsense that never went into the spam folder. (my spam folder is another sad, sad story). i unsubscribed myself from ALL OF THEM (bye macy's! bye amazon.com! bye to even the daily mutts comics email! what!) and now, all of my emails, are from friends. family. people i love, people i care about. reaching out to me. sharing recipes, words, ideas and laughter. i used to get about 50 emails a day (one day i counted) and only a handful of them were from people i love. now, i get a handful of emails, but when i get those emails, i smile. i dont hit delete automatically. i read them, savour every word, take them all in. it makes me realize how beautiful this all is. something as simple as unsubscribing from advertisements and useless words, puts me in touch with people i love, and just them. no one else. outsiders are gone!

it feels good. and like i said, it's the little things. baby steps. do you want a beautiful life? all you have to do is look around you. make tiny changes. keep away the unwanted, the poison. and let in the comforting, the knowing of what specific things that make you happy - no matter how silly or little they may seem.

"if you want to change the world, first try to improve & bring about change within yourself. that will help change your family. from there it just gets bigger and bigger. everything we do has some effect, some impact". -dalai lama

dear california,

why cant you get it right?

the tuesday message:

If you want to make your dreams come true, wake up.
Wake up to your own strength. Wake up to the role you play in your own destiny. Wake up to the power you have to choose what you think, do, and say.

yesterday, my roommate and i rented bicycles in manhattan, and i conquered two tasks:

1. bike riding in manhattan.

2. bike riding across a bridge! 

went from manhattan to brooklyn. unreal. bridges always look flat, but what is unknown is the incline on a bridge is ridiculous. my legs burnt the entire time, i was pretty sure i was going to go backwards and not forwards, and holy mother, huge emphasis on STEEP.

a lot of super fun, and i am proud of myself for defeating a bridge. seeing so many people walking their bikes up the bridge, while i was riding mine, made me feel good. to know that i have strong legs that can take me wherever i want to go, despite the pain and difficulty. also, a true test of pushing myself came afloat. i pushed out the 'i cant do this anymore' and told myself 'youre almost there! c'mon girl!'.

today i am long island bound to spend time with family and friends. hopefully throw in some bbq's if the weather holds up (please please please!)

---

there is no need for temples, no need for complicated philosophies. my brain & my heart are my temples; my philosophy is kindness.

---

wings

one of my best friends recently described me as an angel. he told me that when he thinks of me, he thinks of an angel's presence, and someone who is always right behind him, even when he doesnt realize how much he needs that angels love and support. always there, guiding him, supporting him, loving him, watching him, protecting him.

low and behold, i was blown away.
speechless.
me, an angel?

then the universe reminded me. i am.


Marvelous Melissa, you've literally been performing miracles your entire life.

Consciously, deliberately, and with calculated precision.

You get that from me,
The Universe

i have become the proud mama of three new plants. i love them. i sing to them, talk to them, caress them, say good morning and good night to them, feed them, everything i do, i do with them. they make me proud. 

{it seems as though my mind lately has been consumed by words from others...}


Accept - then act. Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it.
~Eckhart Tolle

The beauty of life is, while we cannot undo what is done, we can see it, understand it, learn from it and change so that every new moment is spent not in regret, guilt, fear or anger but in wisdom, understanding and love.

When I am an old lady I shall have a lavender bush
and sprinkle the blooms upon my sheets
and under my pillow;
steep it into tea
and press its spikes among the pages of my books.

foodage.

despite the cold factor outside, my heart feels warm again. g and i made last minute dinner plans, and i cooked up an amazing baked ziti (with vodka sauce - mmmm) in a very short time, and we are getting some fresh veggies for some fresh bruschetta,  some tomato salad and we're planning on doing a little garlic bread action. our 'little dinners' always turn into a five course meal. it starts with an email, 'what are you doing this week?' which equals 'let's make dinner,' which then equals, 'we really need to open our own restaurant'. this makes me happy. good  homemade food, good wine, lots of laughs and a beautiful evening. sometimes he surprises me with a little dessert. this naturally, fills my tummy and heart (which i sometimes think are the same thing!) very much.

life is good.

i had my last appointment with my dentist today. i feel like i just had my last therapy session. honestly! i have been there every other week for x many months straight (you please fill in the x, it's too embarrassing for me to even mention) and it ended today. "see you in six months!" strange feeling. 

life is funny.

My wish for you, Marvelous Melissa, is that you succeed beyond your wildest imagination. That you find love in places that astound you. And that you have friends who call you "just because." I dream that you go barefoot more than you wear shoes. That you play as hard as you work. And that you laugh more than you cry. I want you to set the bar high, but not too high. To reach for the stars, but with your toes on the ground. And to never, ever stop dreaming. But most of all, Marvelous Melissa, I wish for your happiness.

And these dreams of mine are what started it all.

Besos,
The Universe

i need inspiration. lots of it.

i am still here. catching up on real life, emails, phone calls and getting back into a normal routine. last week was emotionally draining, and i almost feel emotion-less. to this day, i am drained. slacking. lacking. missing. but in the midst, i am reflecting. on my watch. at my own pace. in silence, in noise, during yoga, during a run, i am being. minding over him and making sure he stays afloat. not asking why, but knowing that things do happen for every reason, and ill be damned if i let that boy feel any differently and go through any more pain. that's that.

THIS TRAILER

makes me smile

SO WIDE.

& the tears come streaming down your face

when you lose something you cant replace.

rest in peace.

may 3, 2009.

difficulty.

right now.

ready for gaga

and insert leopard shoes.

ridiculous.

things that make you go 'hmm...'

you know what is strange? how good it feels to pay my rent every month. to know that a home is really (somewhat) mine, and i can afford it. not many people can do it, but i can do it. and i do it very willingly. i hand my landlord my money, and smile. (i am sure he thinks i am a little crazy to be excited to pay my rent, but i feel satisification!). i love my life. i love that i have the capability to do something as freeing. and staying free. enjoying my freedom.

tonight i go with my bests to see lady gaga. before any judgements are made, please note, tonight is a night where i can dance like a leaping gazelle and not feel any remorse. i feel like i am taking my twelve year old daughter to see the jonas brothers, because george has been waiting for this concert since christmas. it is all he talks about and all he thinks about. i think i am more excited to see him at the concert, then i am to see the lady herself.

"in my childhood, i had a religious assistant who always told me:

if you can laugh with full abandonment, it's very good for your health."

dalai lama

ive always had a love for squirrels. since 2002. at one point, jerry, steph and myself called ourself the 'original squirrels'. they are just too freggin cute. with their little bodies and bushy tails. i love em!

and this video - proof! why! i! love! them!

it's amazing how smart animals truly are, and how GOOD humans really are. it bought jolly tears to my eyes.



enjoy. pass it on. xo.

smiles all 'round

last night i went to g's for dinner. we laughed and laughed and laughed. drank champagne with frozen fruits and had a cold pasta salad with everything fresh (which was so delicious). we laughed until we fell on the floor laughing and couldnt breathe. laughed until our tummies hurt. just when we thought we were done laughing, it picked up again. laughing about our vacation to the bahamas, laughing about our dinners, laughing about our last road trip to philly to visit cody, laughing about our nights out, laughing about the 'balcony'. and the best - laughing at each other. it's so beautiful to have someone to just spend a whole night with, laughing and loving. i hope dearly that everyone at one point in their life, has a friendship like that. they are one of a kind.

weather-ful

can you all believe this weather we are having? blows my little exploding mind!

today, during work, shea and i dropped off what seemed like a zillion hand knit/crochet quilts our olds made for the babies in need. yes, on the hottest day of the year. via subway. oy vey. all for a good cause, but in this heat! mama mia. we came back into our office, pumped the AC and settled into a heat coma.

tonight i am going to give my best, g., some TLC in his tiny yet quaint manhattan apartment. we're going to have cold pasta salad and enjoy some bellini's. peach. strawberry. pear. yum yum yum. possibly some gelato and cute boy watching. did you all hear about those crazy low-riding jets yesterday? i am sure (those of you who know me) can imagine g's response. let's just say - his main concern while being evacuated was what he was going to order for lunch. figures.

i am ready for the semester to settle down. three more papers, one more exam, one oral presentation. i can do it. i know i can. keep pushing. this summer i am taking more courses, which does NOT make me happy, but i know it must get done.
i can do it. i can do it. i can do it.

thank you, mbee.

a little reflection from the beautiful meg b. 

she's a jem.

How are you spending your SundayofSun?

i spent my sundayofsun down at astoria park. a hidden treasure in the city. a gorgeous, open park right on the water, next to the rfk bridge and across from the manhattan skyline. my favourite place to go and breath. and watch. (& so. many. puppies.)

After you get up, does your body allow you to fall back asleep if you choose to?

at 4 am yes. after that, not always. my body always wants to go go go!

What colour can always catch your eye?

yellow! orange! turquoise!

Do you eat the fortune cookie or discard it after your psychically fulfilled?

i had a friend from australia who i met my freshmen year of college. he told me that you werent allowed to eat your fortune until you ate your entire cookie. i believed him. i spread his word to all of my friends and family. they believed me. right before we graduated college, he told me he was lying about the fortune cookie, but told me that because he always felt bad the cookie went unnoticed. people would read  their fortune, toss the cookie in the garbage. he didnt like that. i still continue to eat the cookie, and tell people, they must eat the cookie before they read their fortune. i like his philosophy. 

What is one absolutely beautiful trait about someone you hate? (strong words, so. "dislike", but it rhymed, so. you know)

their passion. 

What time of day do you feel most alive?

right after a work / yoga class. so this can be at 7 am or 10 pm. pending.

What was your favourite sound this week?

laughter with kate. 

lovely.

today was

one of those feel-good, i-love-my-life days.

a good workout. like, a really good workout. sunshine. lots of it. astoria park with a picnic lunch. laughing. people watching. music in the park! more sunshine.

the outcome:

a very calm (& blessed soul) and sun-kissed skin. the sun kissed me smack on my face. i love this feeling. it glows (& goes!) wherever i go.

and the day is not yet over! a roadtrip tonight to see very dear friends play music in an unknown town. 

smile smile smile. smiling. always.

inspiration lately

beautiful weekends . breathing . the smell of rain . pink pink pink . earth day love . embracing one another . learning to love my body again . weekend travels . ryanad.ams photos . simplicity . dim lighting . no noise . getting it, truly getting it . rasberry dressing . happy baby pose . the warrior pose . om's . turquoise . emails filled with love . friends . my begonia blooming flowers . this.

more psychotherapists incorporate yoga

psychotherapy goes from couch to yoga mat.

"oh hi, my name is melissa... im a yoga therapist".

just you wait. it's going to happen.

earth day 2009

on the earth, what are you grateful for the most?

it's raining men! (?!)

i am a sucker for any little gadget to keep my life:

1. easier
2. stress free
3. manageable.

umbrella today is a super cute website, where you enter your hometown, and they will send you a little gentle nudge in the morning (in the form of a text message) to tell you to use your umbrella if rain is in the forcast. living in the city, i dont have the comfort of running my errands with a car, so i am constantly on foot, en transit or in another part of town in the middle of a rainstorm, sans umbrella.

so me knowing when whether i need to lug my umbrella or not - amazing.

love little things like this!

additionally, umbrella etiquette is hilarious. definitely a site you will want to check out on a rainy day, when you have the rainy-day blues.

tuesday.

There are fine things which you mean to do some day, under what you think will be more favorable circumstances. But the only time that is surely yours is the present, hence this is the time to speak the word of appreciation and sympathy, to do the generous deed, to forgive the fault of a thoughtless friend, to sacrifice self a little more for others. Today is the day in which to express your noblest qualities of mind and heart, to do at least one worthy thing which you have long postponed, and to use your God-given abilities for the enrichment of someone less fortunate. Today you can make your life significant and worthwhile.

for you astorians -

socrates sculpture park is offering free! outside! waterfront! yoga courses beginning in may. so many of my favourite things wrapped into a one hour session.

get your om's ready.

Yoga in the Park
Saturdays, May 9 - September 19 (rain or shine)
First session: 9:30 AM - 10:30 AM
Second session: 11 AM - 12 PM
Socrates offers free Kripalu Yoga, a system of Hatha Yoga that integrates body postures, breathing techniques, relaxation and meditation. Taught by Monique Schubert, participants are encouraged to integrate their yoga practices with this very special waterfront environment of nature and art. Suitable for all experience levels. Participants should bring a mat or towel.

although, to be honest, i am not sure how yoga in the rain would be, but to each her own.

they actually offer a slew of amazing workshops / art courses and fitness programs that are generally free to the public. 

check out their site: http://www.socratessculpturepark.org/Education/Education09.htm

the best three notes, just happen to be --

do - re - me

i will not lie, the sound of music is one of my favourite movies. i have fond memories of watching it with my family in vermont, and sitting in my basement with my grandmother during hot summer nights singing along to the music as we wept together. and just recently, i stayed up late one night watching it on tbs, reliving all the memories.

therefore, it's no surprise, i got chills watching this:

people amaze me. 

i tried to find an embed version of this, but am failing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2XVR9AKZOu4

i think it is beautiful. and proof that your wildest dreams can come true. and that no one, not even simon cowell, should stop you. and also, the good ole lesson: never judge a book by its cover. true freggin story.
(shea, i wish you were in the office right now, because i just spent the entire ten minutes crying and praying that no one would walk in on me).

i had lunch on the roof of my work-building today and have very faint kisses from the sun. the first of the season. the start of a romance. toes in the grass, head to the sky, eyes shut.

the sun, the breezes, the sounds, embracing me. accepting me.

i imagine the sun to look like her.

in my mind; she has gorgeous eyelashes and powerful lips. and yes, a she. always knowing that she is in charge, and she controls the happiness. she loves us all, accepts us all, lights up our world. without her, we would be. she is my happiness.

last night plane tickets to san francisco were booked. i will be spending my 25th birthday with my two longest and very best friends. we are staying in this adorable cottage in napa valley (http://www.riverpointenapa.com/) and will be visiting family in san fran. there are so many things i want to do. so many things i want to see. just so very much, that a week wont cut it.

• indulge in wine.
• spend my 25th at a gorgeous spa, overlooking wineries and drinking port wines all day.
• ride a bike over the golden gate bridge.
• take many photos. many.
• see the house where 'full house' was filmed. (c'mon, who doesnt want to do that!)
• relax. 
• explore the 'trentadue' winery. 
• make a home-cooked meal.
• find a cute tea shop and a nice antique shop. purchase something GOOD.

easter blessings

april showers.

Always it happens when we are not there — 

The tree leaps up alive in the air, 

Small open parasols of Chinese green 

Wave on each twig. But who has ever seen 

The latch sprung, the bud as it burst? 

Spring always manages to get there first. 

Lovers of wind, who will have been aware 

Of a faint stirring in the empty air, 

Look up one day through a dissolving screen 

To find no star, but this multiplied green, 

Shadow on shadow, singing sweet and clear. 

Listen, lovers of wind, the leaves are here!

~May Sarton

spring cleaning

when i lived at home (which let's be honest - was not that long ago) i always got an itch to rearrange my bedroom around the summer months. i had a twin sized bed all through high school, and always wanted it right next to the windows. why? to hear things and to see things. to be like one of those writers we all see on tv and in the movies, who sit in their bay windows and write all day and all night. (and okay - i also did not have an air conditioner during my high school years, so the idea of the summer breeze while i slept was my intention and goal).

and so - i would rearrange. move my bed from here to there, move my dresser from there to here, hang up some new no doubt posters, and call it a day. as i grew older, my rearranging of the furniture obsession diminished (i got a larger bed, an air conditioner and no doubt had broken up and stopped touring). with no furniture to move, i learned what does need a good spring cleaning. something i never thought would need a spring cleaning that can be so emotional and so difficult at times.

me.

now i am older. and live in an apartment. a home that truly does NEED spring cleaning, and not just the rearranging of furniture and the obsessive cleaning of a kitchen floor. it's this time of the year that i, and you, need to rearrange our minds. take the dust bunnies out of our brain and let out the past. let out the anger we may hold, the hostility, the grudges, the tears - let it out. write it out. sing it out. draw it out. dance it art. YELL it out. just get it out! spring clean your mind so it can blossom and start afresh. 

for me - probably the hardest part is letting go of the physical things. i go through my wicker basket that i keep everything 'important' in. by 'important' it ranges from cards, receipts, ticket stubs, bank statements, stickers, scrap paper, wrapping paper - fun napkins. you name it. i for some crazy reason, keep it. i clear them out, throw out the old, the meaningless. keep the happy things. notes from disney world from manda, get well cards from teresa, a sticky note from rachel. the little things that bring me to a happy place. always. (psssst - this does not mean i am throwing out your cards! this means i am throwing out a reminder postcard my obgyn sent me months ago!). 

i de-clutter, and have a sigh of relief. 

i let go of people who cause me pain, despair, or who i just dont speak to anymore. yes, i get on facebook and spring clean. say bye to those faces of individuals who i cant even tell you how we met. hit delete. say goodbye to people with a negative aura and personality. people who dont fit me. people who just dont get it. people who are jealous. hit delete.

i de-clutter, and have a sigh of relief.

i go on itunes, discover old favourites (hell-o jaymay) and replay them. i smile. re-organize. delete the songs from the past that hurt too much (or, if you're brave, hide them in a file, so you can relive those negative moments for meditation/therapeutic purposes). delete the songs that i really just dont understand why they are even on my computer to begin with (justin timberlake...sorry bud). move along, move along.

i de-clutter, and have a sigh of relief.

i go into my closet. tell myself how crazy i am with all of the clothes i own, and take out what i realistically will not wear. so many girls would love my closet. so many girls need my closet. i load up trash bags with threads, and bring them to the salvation army. one woman's trash is another person's treasure. one woman's trash is another woman's wardrobe on a budget.

i de-clutter, and have a sigh of relief.

at the end of the day, with a clutter-free mind and home, i am not a writer who sits in a bay window with the sun gleaming on her face, writing brilliant prose. in fact, i am not a writer at all. i am however, strong enough to de-clutter, to let go of the past with a notion that tomorrow is another day. tomorrow is a new day. tomorrow brings along new things to clutter my mind with, tomorrow brings a new day to relive a mistake, or to learn another lesson. tomorrow is precious. a gift.

this spring, let go of it all. start anew. clean out your drawers, go through your memory boxes. remember the good memories, hold onto them. look those bad memories in the eye, and tell them that you learned from them. you grew. 

reflect. 

and let go of it all. the good. the bad. open yourself up, for of course, more good and bad.

five really really good things --

1. keeping your blinds/window open a crack before you sweet slumber. when daylight comes, you awake to sweet birdies singing to you and the sun saying hello to your face. a cool breeze comes in, the sun dances on your face. a way to wake up in the morning.

2. cooking oodles of yummy goodness in a kitchen that is smaller then a bathroom, with your two best guy friends and a bottle of pinot. 

3. washing your face first thing in the morning. renewing. cleansing. starting afresh.

4. om's. stretching out all of your worries, tension, heartaches. letting it out. breathing. putting your mind at peace. maintaining a peaceful heart we all strive for.

5. resting. with no regrets. 

my true love

In my room on a chest

sets a picture, one of those I like the best.

A man and a child walk along in the sand,

He looks down at her as he holds her hand,

she's looking back at someone and seems to say,

don't worry, I'm with my grandpa today.

tonight during my yoga class, i decided to let in support and patience for this upcoming week. i sat in namaste  position, asking myself, to please bring these two words and actions into my life.

support and patience. 

two things i always pride myself on, but two very solid themes i know i will need this week. support to get through a (short) work week, support to get through classes, support to practice patience. patience at work. patience at home. patience with my family. patience with my mind. patience with my friends. 

support and patience.

these two themes are prominent in my life. terribly prominent. however, waking up on the wrong side of the bed to a rainy monday, i made a promise with my body tonight, to keep these two themes strong and living within me. i cannot let one day stand in the way of others. one foot in front of the other. supporting myself. mentally and physically.

support and patience.

when was the last time you held gratitude for your body? and everything it does? and for everything it offers you? think about it. thank your body. thank your body for giving you a mind. for giving you a place to practice support, patience, love, laughter, crying, singing, dancing, living. thank your body. without your body, there is no you.

oh, sunday

this weekend was a present.

with presence from out of town guests (K.D. & S.B.) to rest their heads in a happy home.

and presence from the sun, gorgeous weather, talented friends and love.

i started writing in my paper journal more often. getting out thoughts and positive (and sometimes negative) energy in the form of photos, words and doodles. a positive form of release that holds dreams, worries and thoughts. a happy place.

milk

the sad thing is

 that this is still a fight 

we are

still

 battling today. 

a hairstyle i love:

REIMBURSE THE EARTH

http://payitgreen.org/

colour your way calm:

http://creatingmandalas.com/studio/index.html

"Mandala is a Sanskrit word for 'circle', a symbol of wholeness, perfection, unity and eternity… a place where the invisible is made visible."

current obsession:

everything and anything HAIR.

People, when given a chance, Marvelous Melissa, smile, skip, and dance. They create, play, and laugh. They care, share, and love. And the ones who don't, haven't yet realized that chances are something you give yourself.

Double dare you,

The Universe

reason #1 to love brooklyn:

http://www.catbirdnyc.com/

it's important to be INTELLIGENT

WITTY

KIND

does this play make me look fat (dot) com

reasons to be pretty: on broadway

one more thing.

LEGALIZE LOVE.

i believe those t's are brilliant. and to be worn with dignity and respect. everyone deserves the chance to love. and it's not up to media, politics, myself or you to say who we can and cannot love. it's natural. and you cannot stop the force of natural love. that's for freggin sure.

for ms. bayley --

love,

this is for you.

may sarton:

Bliss 

In the middle of the night,

My bedroom washed in moonlight

And outside

The faint hush-hushing

Of an ebbing tide,

I see Venus

Close to

The waning moon.

I hear the bubbling hoot

Of a playful owl.

Pierrot's purrs

Ripple under my hand,

And all this is bathed

In the scent of roses

By my bed

Where there are always

Books and flowers.

In the middle of the night

The bliss of being alive!

i go home tomorrow for the first time in a month. back to my nest. my safety net. my womb. rumour has it my bedroom is out of sorts and not how i left it. a new body has slept in my palace of dreams. i cannot wait to stretch my legs and cuddle with my four legged friend. sleep soundly and be pampered. be a visitor in someone else's palace of dreams.

lovelovelove.

MARCH MADNESS

this is a terribly swell idea, and i have been stalking it since 01 march. i will get aboard. soon. i am in the midst of midterms and hopeful internship placements and going home for a weekend'ing.

the roommate and i are seeing rooms: a rock romance tomorrow night and i am pumped. i am then seeing HAIR (insert a thousand and ten smiley faces) next weekend, and next to normal a few weekends later. i am clearly doing my part and supporting broadway.

i am a loyal radio listener!

i dont have satellite radio, so all you fancy-tech-savvy kids, dont make fun of this post!

last week (or maybe, earlier this week) new york's very own k-rock was taken off the air. ive grown up listening to k-rock. back when howard stern was doing the morning show, all the way up to opie & anthony. i never could bother with z100, ktu or the other mainstream stations. krock was my jam!

however, this fall, i discovered a new station. i blogged about it. matt pinfield took over 101.9 and they were playing a nice assortment of indie, rock, dylan, etc. the spring standards were soon interviewed by the legendary matt pinfield, he performed a song with them - and i knew i had found a new home. a lovely new home with a bald friend.



at 8am every morning, i would hustle and bustle to be the 9th caller to spin matt's ipod and attempt to talk to him. that's all i wanted! to thank a man for playing such awesome music. i never made it through (although, i should never say NEVER, there is still time!) but shea did. i cried tears of happiness. there she was, talking to a man who was saving rock n roll!

slowly but surely, my love and devotion to krock diminished. i soon changed my alarm clock to no longer wake me up to opie & anthony, but to matt pinfield. i started calling myself a "pinhead". obsessed, i am. then came the news. krock was going. for good.

this morning, matt had some krock dj's on the air. i thought this was awesome. at one time competitors, they were all in a room together, talking to fans. he let them say a goodbye they were never able to say to their devoted listeners. they urged loyal krock fans to make the switch to 101.9. they spoke about how they are worried rock n roll may be dying. but in a state as great as new york - where you can go to a rock show every night of your life, that will never happen. they all sounded so sad, and mourned a station that allowed a station like 101.9 to even come into play.

i will miss krock. it was a staple for us alt-rock lovers. but i am comfortable with 101.9. give them a fair shot, they wont let you down. and you out of towners can even listen to them on the world wide web - fancy!