The beauty of life is, while we cannot undo what is done, we can see it, understand it, learn from it and change so that every new moment is spent not in regret, guilt, fear or anger but in wisdom, understanding and love.

When I am an old lady I shall have a lavender bush
and sprinkle the blooms upon my sheets
and under my pillow;
steep it into tea
and press its spikes among the pages of my books.

foodage.

despite the cold factor outside, my heart feels warm again. g and i made last minute dinner plans, and i cooked up an amazing baked ziti (with vodka sauce - mmmm) in a very short time, and we are getting some fresh veggies for some fresh bruschetta,  some tomato salad and we're planning on doing a little garlic bread action. our 'little dinners' always turn into a five course meal. it starts with an email, 'what are you doing this week?' which equals 'let's make dinner,' which then equals, 'we really need to open our own restaurant'. this makes me happy. good  homemade food, good wine, lots of laughs and a beautiful evening. sometimes he surprises me with a little dessert. this naturally, fills my tummy and heart (which i sometimes think are the same thing!) very much.

life is good.

i had my last appointment with my dentist today. i feel like i just had my last therapy session. honestly! i have been there every other week for x many months straight (you please fill in the x, it's too embarrassing for me to even mention) and it ended today. "see you in six months!" strange feeling. 

life is funny.

My wish for you, Marvelous Melissa, is that you succeed beyond your wildest imagination. That you find love in places that astound you. And that you have friends who call you "just because." I dream that you go barefoot more than you wear shoes. That you play as hard as you work. And that you laugh more than you cry. I want you to set the bar high, but not too high. To reach for the stars, but with your toes on the ground. And to never, ever stop dreaming. But most of all, Marvelous Melissa, I wish for your happiness.

And these dreams of mine are what started it all.

Besos,
The Universe

i need inspiration. lots of it.

i am still here. catching up on real life, emails, phone calls and getting back into a normal routine. last week was emotionally draining, and i almost feel emotion-less. to this day, i am drained. slacking. lacking. missing. but in the midst, i am reflecting. on my watch. at my own pace. in silence, in noise, during yoga, during a run, i am being. minding over him and making sure he stays afloat. not asking why, but knowing that things do happen for every reason, and ill be damned if i let that boy feel any differently and go through any more pain. that's that.

THIS TRAILER

makes me smile

SO WIDE.

& the tears come streaming down your face

when you lose something you cant replace.

rest in peace.

may 3, 2009.

difficulty.

right now.

ready for gaga

and insert leopard shoes.

ridiculous.

things that make you go 'hmm...'

you know what is strange? how good it feels to pay my rent every month. to know that a home is really (somewhat) mine, and i can afford it. not many people can do it, but i can do it. and i do it very willingly. i hand my landlord my money, and smile. (i am sure he thinks i am a little crazy to be excited to pay my rent, but i feel satisification!). i love my life. i love that i have the capability to do something as freeing. and staying free. enjoying my freedom.

tonight i go with my bests to see lady gaga. before any judgements are made, please note, tonight is a night where i can dance like a leaping gazelle and not feel any remorse. i feel like i am taking my twelve year old daughter to see the jonas brothers, because george has been waiting for this concert since christmas. it is all he talks about and all he thinks about. i think i am more excited to see him at the concert, then i am to see the lady herself.

"in my childhood, i had a religious assistant who always told me:

if you can laugh with full abandonment, it's very good for your health."

dalai lama