best of 2008

i cant believe the new year has arrived so fast! 2008 came along with so many long lasting friendships and gorgeous memories. as i reflect on the past year, one word comes to mind: acceptance.

accepting myself, and others. learning how different we all are, and taking this into consideration. taking all of our differences, and learning from them. getting a grasp on what makes your culture different from mine, and what i can gain from your lifestyle. then using it. accepting myself for all i have become thus far, and all that is yet to come. accepting that sometimes, saying "no" is okay. we are one person. one thing at a time.

this year, i grew. changed. learned. i accepted myself, laughed at myself and taught myself. i stood up for myself. i put myself first. very selfish things, but not selfish in the way that is a negative, but a selfish in the way that just means i am growing older, and realizing that i come first. self actualization and a deep, true understanding and respect for meditation and yoga. both, very important aspects of my life. journaling, writing, creating, all of this. for my mind. for my peace. for my calm heart.

this year, i opened up. i let new faces in and took them under my wing. invited them into my heart and home. despite the new faces, i always love the old faces. the faces that hold all of my stories, my fears, dreams, wishes and secrets. the faces who i laugh with, cry with and love with. you are all my favourites! time and time again, i am always so thankful for all of you, who have supported me, loved me and cheered me through it.

this year, a year of traveling with george. dusting off our passports and going to the bahamas, road trips to see our best friends from college, taking boat rides to fire island, planning our future vacations and mapping out the future by the means of a globe. traveling manhattan, brooklyn and queens. eating in resturants we have never been, drinking pricey imported beers whose name we cannot pronounce, and making friends along the way. traveling in planes, cars, trains and little sailboats. always on an adventure, my little partner and i.

this year, a lot of laughing with teresa until our eyes are drenched with tears. my heterosexual lifemate i cannot go a day without touching base with. always there. listening. people watching with me, and getting it. growing with each other, and watching our lives take different paths, but still being the best friends we were since we were old enough to walk. my most favourite treasure.

this year, i understood the meaning of art therapy. and wished i obtained talents to draw more then silly stick figures so i could study it further. but now, understanding it. admiring it. studying it. looking at art in so many ways. realizing that my jewlery designs are my art therapy. selling them. to strangers! allowing people i dont know, to wear my most prized pieces! and of course, giving them to family. friends. watching their faces light up and their hearts soar, just by some silly little beads strung together. just the begining of my beloved calm heart creations. (with this said, new years resolution is to finally put up so many more of my little trinkets. from my heart to yours!).

this year, embracing my family. going to them for support, and making little memories with each and every one. knowing, anything can happen in an instant, and making everyday count. missing my mother more and more each day, but falling back on the strong women who have helped raise me. thanking them in not words, but subtle actions. always grateful. eternally.

this year, living. as i always do. making mistakes, yet growing from them. learning from them. living out my passions and hobbies. having another glass of wine, because, well, why not. taking a 60 ft drop into a shark tank, because, well, you only live once. my mantra. getting my hands dirty and smiling about it. making the most of what's around.

i hope, you, my friends, have a just as beautiful transition from 2008-2009. 2008 was the longest year since 1992, and it surely did not feel like it. i only hope 2009 is just as beautiful, worldly and adventurous as 2008 was. my best wishes, to you and yours, for a peaceful and healthy new years.

'merry merry christmases, many happy new years. unbroken friendships, great accumulations of cheerful recollections and affections on earth, and heaven for us all.'

-charles dickens

makes me smile:

If it's not yet obvious to you, the real reason for this season is you, Marvelous Melissa. A more perfect child of the Universe has never lived. Until now, only a celebration cloaked in myth and mystery could hint at your sublime heritage and divine destiny. You are life's prayer of becoming and its answer. The first light at the dawn of eternity, drawn from the ether, so that the Universe might know its depths, discover its heights, and frolic in endless seas of blessed emotion.

A pioneer into illusion, an adventurer into the unknown, and a lifter of veils. Courageous, heroic and exalted by billions in the unseen.

To give beyond reason. To care beyond hope. To love without limit. To reach, stretch, and dream, in spite of your fears. These are the hallmarks of divinity - traits of the immortal - your badges of honor. Wear them with a pride as great as the unspeakable pride we feel for you.

Your light has illuminated darkened paths, your gaze has lifted broken spirits, and already your life has changed the destiny of all who will ever follow.

This is the time of year we celebrate Marvelous Melissa.

Bowing before Greatness,
The Universe

Begin doing what you want to do now. We are not on this earth for eternity. We have only this moment, sparkling like a star in our hand and melting like a snowflake.

life's been a little hairy lately. hairy in a beautiful way, but still hairy, none the less. my days are packed with christmas goodness at work ['wait, you guys sing carols at work?!' -allison], and then wrapping up christmas goodness at home (pun intended). lots of crafting, lots of creating, and lots of good times wrapped into my favourite time of the year.

my semester is settled. still anxious for a grade, and fingers & pinky toes crossed that it's a good one. smiling at the fact that in a year, i will be able to diagnose various individuals (!!!) and have another degree under my belt. loving that i will have two degrees to fall back on - journalism / adv /pr and soon, psychotherapy. not related at all, but my favourite things are perhaps the mind and writing. so it makes sense to me.

always smiling. always.

22209

i need it to be known that i am a little obsessed with matt pinfield. yes, the vj from mtv. his current radio station (101.9 for you nyc'ers) is dynamite. a nice mix of classic rock, alternative and indie. i should note, that he only does the morning show, but i still refer to the station as his. tune in, you wont regret it.

hi!!

"This is the beginning of a new day. You have been given this day to use as you will. You can waste it or use it for good. What you do today is important because you are exchanging a day of your life for it. When tomorrow comes, this day will be gone forever; in its place is something that you have left behind...let it be something good."

i am still here. 

i hope everyone is celebrating the holiday season joyfully. : )

mary is covered in henna and has escaped india in just the nick of time. she has seen the taj at it's moment of peace, meditated in new delhi and luckily, escaped before something horrific could have happened to her. i spent three days in a panic, walking on eggshells, and sighed such a huge relief upon receiving an email from her late friday night. someone was on her side. i question how bad things can happen to good people, and the attacks in india are just so questionable. attacks on anyone, are so questionable. why? lives lost who were so innocent. families broken up and last breaths were had in desperate measures. it's not fair. 

thanksgiving is, as always, beautiful. i am thankful for so much. i express gratitude on a daily basis, and have no issues with thanking those who help me become me. my biggest thanks this year, was probably the beautiful support system i have. the friends who really put up with my crazy schedule and are my own personal cheerleading team. they are good people.

however, with each holiday, comes a moment of solitude. a moment of grasping as many memories as i can with the family i love. being thankful for them, but knowing this could be it. and i do not mean to sound morbid, but i truly never know. i always worry where i will go when the moment comes, when i do not have a "home". where will i spend christmas eve? who will open gifts with me in the morning? it's a scary thought, but we should all face the thought. because really. you never know. 

i caught up with a beautiful old friend last night and drank vanilla chi's and frozen hot chocolates while splitting rainbow cake and listening to some beautiful folk music. we let it all out on the table and it was so refreshing. i felt so new and felt so re-newed. 

with change in the air, im looking for one. i dont know what, but im keeping my mind open. a change of heart? air? maybe even just bedsheets. but im looking.

day before thanksgiving.

and my little world-traveler, mary, is in india right now...

prayers that she is safe and sound. please.

from the universe:

Be selfish for a moment and think of something material that you want... something fantastic, something awesome, something wonderful.

Now, double it. Whatever it is you want, think of owning two of them. They're yours free and clear. Think of the implications their possession would have on your life. What would your neighbors say? Where would you keep them? What colors would you choose, what dimensions, what characteristics?

Okay, you're about to receive a third one, more than you could possibly use (at the moment), so who would you give it to? How would you tell them? What would their reaction be? Would you be able to help them take ownership? Would you be there to facilitate the transition, if necessary? What would your friends and family say about your generosity? Would you do it again? If so, for whom?

This exercise has now concluded. Drop it from your thinking. Resume enjoying the here and now, because it's the only place happiness resides, and every so often, as your mind wanders to thoughts of the above, smile with gratitude.

saturday morning

Meditate.

Live purely.

Be quiet.

Do your work with mastery.

Like the moon, come out from behind the clouds!

Shine

(buddha)

smile

I will not play at tug o'war.

I'd rather play at hug o'war,

Where everyone hugs

Instead of tugs,

Where everyone giggles

And rolls on the rug,

Where everyone kisses,

And everyone grins,

And everyone cuddles,

And everyone wins.

__Shel Silverstein.

under the same moon

i watched this movie in spanish and sobbed my little heart out. adorable. a story of a nine year old boy who leaves mexico, determined to find his mother in LA. learning life lessons along the way, seeing the harsh realities of what it means to live undocumented in the USA, and still going, with a positive attitude. he is my type of man.

smiling

i had the privilege to prepare a thanksgiving dinner this past week. my FIRST thanksgiving dinner, that i prepared, mind you.

we celebrated thanksgiving a week early at work, which ultimately meant that shea & i got a sneak peek of the deliciousness that will be entering our bellies this upcoming week. turkey, cranberry sauce, mashed taters, sweet potatoes, stuffing... you name it, it was there. even homeade gravy!
this also meant, preparing a full thanksgiving dinner for approx 90 hungry individuals.

yes. i said it.

90.

the amazing part of this, is that despite the stress, chaos, mess and craziness that occurred, it was well worth it. those 90 hungry individuals are individuals whose thanksgiving dinner, prepared by shea and i, may be their ONLY thanksgiving dinner. some of them do not have families to go to on thanksgiving, so they will spend next thursday in their apartment eating meals on wheels, warmed up in the microwave, in front of a tv, alone. while all of us, sit around a big table with our families, laughing and making memories. some of those 90 individuals do not get to eat a hot meal on a daily basis, unlike all of us, and for them, that meal that we worked so hard on, was a meal fit for a king. that plate of food was worth so much then we can ever imagine. despite my aching back and sore feet, i really GAVE - which is what this season is about. i gave my heart and my soul into preparing that meal, and only saw smiles and felt so much love in return.

it really strikes me this time of the year how i am so grateful for everything in my life. spending the past few months working in social services with the geriatric population has put my life into perspective. yes, i commute four hours a day to work and am cranky by the time 7pm rolls around, but i make lives easier for people who are unable to help themselves. i make people happy. i feed people who do not have the money or energy to make a meal on their own. i help them with their needs. i am their advocate. i speak when they cannot speak or are afraid to. i stand up for them and i give them all of my attention and smiles throughout the day. yes, i get a paycheck every month, but what is more important is the respect and love i get in return from my old folks in astoria.
i am grateful for a supportive family, and for a beautiful job that truly allows me to give back to the world. when my parents passed away, i could have went a million different directions, but i was saved. saved by two generous people with gray hair, who i can never repay. my job right now, is my form of repayment. my way of giving back my heart and soul that was given to me by grandparents.

i hope one day, everyone can have a job where they feel complete. where their heart is filled with love from the people they work with, and from the people they work for. where your job doesn't feel like a job, but a home. a happy home where when people smile at you - they mean it.

“Smile at each other, 

smile at your wife, 

smile at your husband, 

smile at your children, 

smile at each other -- 

it doesn't matter who it is -- 

and that will help you to grow up in greater love for each other.” 

_mother teresa

bliss

just booked a week long vacation to this very magical land --



napa valley, california :)

for my 25th birthday. i know i know, i just celebrated my birthday - but a girl always has to plan. i am wishing it was tomorrow, as a vacation is something that must come into my life as soon as possible. a week long retreat to catch up with myself and life is much needed. until then, i am awaiting thanksgiving break next week and the holidays around the corner.

in other news - anthropologie's new winter catalog came in the mail today and there are so many things i am craving. if i was in an apartment now, this little guy would be a total purchase. yes, i would spend the money on that. he is SOO darling! i am hoping after the holidays he goes on sale and i will snatch him up and save him for next christmas :)

girl talk.

i feel as though this month i have seen/witnessed two historic moments.

1.) barack obama becoming president.

2.) seeing girl talk. live.

obviously, i am going to express my feelings on the second historic moment. because really, that is how i am currently rolling.

girl talk was introduced to me by g & co early this summer / late spring. as soon as i heard girl talk was performing, tickets were purchased. in a large amount. sadly, a few days before the show, my most excited friend was rushed to ER, and had to (literally) sit out girl talk. so g and i were left. alone. we sold some tickets, got a party group - and made our way to the low 50's to experience a really sweaty hipster-style dance party. it was insane. terminal 5 favors as one of my favourite venues, because of the three floors and numerous locations to sit, dance, drink, etc. 

we began on level 3, which is where we saw mika - but i may add, girl talk was (strangely enough) an all ages show (which in my opinion is SUCH a bad idea). this being said, level three was packed with underage high school'ers making out in the booths. vomit-icious. we decided then, at that moment, to experience girl talk, head on, and moved to level 1 - the dance pit. girl talk himself has expressed in many interviews that full on debauchery occurs at his shows. he has said that he has lost teeth - and has to keep his dj-supplies covered in plastic wrap so no "liquids" get put on them. here i am, a polite, warm hearted girl with her gay best friends who are defined as "twinks" in the middle of a dance pit with people on god knows what over the counter pills. insanity. that is what it was. 

i will end this 'historic moment review' by saying -- we lost george within the first ten minutes of the show (he was found at the end, soaking wet from sweat), alex had a shoe thrown at him (this is a very true statement) and my favourite plaid shirt kept unbuttoning, from the amount of people rubbing against me - thus taking off buttons (this is meant very NON-sexually). it was a brilliant show, however. we do not know how long girl talk expects to be around, so i am so grateful i was able to see him live in new york, for what could have been his last shows. 

ps: dont know who girl talk is? well friends... do not log onto girltalk.com. trust me.

just watch this:

(ps: this was my view the entire show, except i was the third row of people squashed. amazing).

:)

to be happy
help
help someone
help someone who needs it
help someone who needs it badly
help someone who needs it badly and you know there will be no return
help someone who is not related to you
help someone who is not your close friend
help someone who does not expect you to
help when it is not your duty
help in whatever way you can
help
and you will be happy

MOTTO.

LIVE IT. be it. do it. 

nov 13 : world kindness day.

the purpose of World Kindness Day is to look beyond ourselves, beyond the boundaries of our country, beyond our culture, our race, our religion; and realize we are citizens of the world. as world citizens we have a commonality, and must realize that if progress is to be made in human relations and endeavours, if we are to achieve the goal of peaceful coexistence, we must focus on what we have in common. when we find likenesses we begin to experience empathy, and in such a state we can fully relate to that person or those people. while we may think of people from other cultures as being ‘different’ when we compare them with our own customs and beliefs, it doesn’t mean that we are any better than they are. when we become friends with someone from a different culture we discover that despite some obvious differences, there are many similarities.

we can be co-creators of a better world, and we can have a positive effect on world peace, when we bring order into our lives. be what you want the world to be. is that difficult? only if you think it is! when we accept the reality that we can create positive change, we move beyond ourselves, our limitations, our doubts, and realize our infinite power. 

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful citizens can change the world. Indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has".

ten ways to spread kindness:

1. Leave something special on the neighbor's doorstep. Flowers, a baked good, an invitation to share a meal or a dessert.
2. Make someone's bed. A parent, a brother/sister or roommate. Then spray the room with lavender.
3. Make a contribution toward a charity/cause close to your heart. Change and one dollar bills from piggy banks count too.
4. Write a thank you or draw a picture for someone you love. Tell them what you love about them and thank them for being themselves.
5. Pay the toll for the car behind you or swipe your metrocard for a stranger.
6. Pick up some trash. Even in the hallway at work.
7. Make Hope Notes together as a family and spread them all over your city or town for complete strangers.
8. Try to smile at 10 people today.
9. Visit a grandparent or elderly friend.
10. Start an Acts of Kindness list.

Creating without claiming, Doing without taking credit, Guiding without interfering, This is Primal Virtue.

-Lao Tzu

Investment Advice for Turbulent Times

Kindness pays HUGE dividends, Marvelous Melissa, materially and ethereally, forever and ever.

Love on,
The Universe

I am deeply saddened by the decision made in California on proposition 8 (and also in Arizona and Florida...). It seems like every time America takes a step forward, it takes 20 steps back.

I have very dear friends who this is affecting more than myself. My heart breaks for them, it breaks for the entire gay and lesbian community who do not have the same civil liberties as myself, it breaks for America.

Love should be enough.


Mothers, tell your children: be quick, you must be strong. Life is full of wonder, love is never wrong. Remember how they taught you, how much of it was fear. Refuse to hand it down - the legacy stops here.

-Melissa Etheridge

smiles all 'round.

Try to make at least one person happy every day. If you cannot do a kind deed, speak a kind word. If you cannot speak a kind word, think a kind thought. Count up, if you can, the treasure of happiness that you would dispense in a week, in a year, in a lifetime!

:)

The beauty of life is, while we cannot undo what is done, we can see it, understand it, learn from it and change so that every new moment is spent not in regret, guilt, fear or anger but in wisdom, understanding and love.

YES WE CAN

tears in my eyes. huge smile on my face. shaking hands. dancing heart.

i will never forget.

change has come to america.

obama/biden 2008. we did it.

YES WE CAN.

"never in all my life have i seen something like this" -my grandfather.

november fourth

i am so anxious right now with election nerves. i dont even know where to begin, really. i am prepping myself for everything. i am shaking just thinking about going into the polls. 

no matter the outcome, this election is already so historic. we are all becoming a piece of history, just by casting our vote today. it's exciting and nerve-wracking. our country needs something new. lord knows it.

life as of now:

someone who makes me proud: nyt: campaign diary

someone who makes me cry: i vote for hope

five things i am grateful for today:

1. to have the ability to laugh till i cry everyday at work with shea. over silly things. like umbrellas going inside out and wheelchair mishaps.

2. to be in the middle of everything right now. close to so many manhattan friends for a quick lunch, yet still close enough to home.

3. for the midnight pomegranate scent my room currently has.

4. candy corn. really, i am.

5. gratitude. we dont hear it enough - and the month of thanks is coming. thank someone today. your doorman, the grumpy man at the gas station, someone who you dont even know... or yourself. for being who you are. :)

mary (plan b travels) recently updated her blog with beautiful descriptions of egypt. 

[to fill you in - mary is a dear and close friend of mine who left behind her life in new york to travel the world. for a year. her blog is just a snippet of all she has seen and done thus far. she amazes me deeply for picking up and going the way she did - she lives a life many of us dream of.]

now that mary is outside of europe, her internet connection is sparse, but my favourite part of the morning is a cup of tea, and checking to see if i have an update from her in my email. i keep all of her emails in a folder, and when i need a break, i read one. i put myself there with her, traveling, exploring and breathing new air. and then look at the beautiful photos of these places where she has left her mark and laid her head. where she has walked and what she has seen.

some of these places though, are so breath-takingly beautiful but so poor. so very poor. people run to her as she sets foot on their dirt roads. welcome her into their homes made of mud. prepare her meals that they grow themselves in their backyards. they have so little, but are so giving. so willing to open their homes and their families to a girl passing through. a girl who has it all back in america. just to look at her. learn from her. give her henna tattoos and play with her hair. teach her. nourish her.

i wish some of us could be like those who give. they never stop, and will do the same to the next person who walks by their home. 

-----

-----

-----

there is a wonderful mythical law of nature that the three things we crave most in life -- happiness, freedom, and peace of mind -- are always attained by giving them to someone else.

reminders of summer -

"The sound of lightning bugs is the same as that of fireworks—not the bang of going off but the glimmer of being on—the same as that of stars. It's the sound of amazement, people made breathless as the involuntary, unnoticed air of reverence explodes our bodies in embracing the twinkled sky, all eyes in wonder of where to focus, what to reach for, what to want to hold.
I know the sound of lightning bugs, for I've made it in their sea of wonder when sparkling spray milked the skyway and mirrored the mirror below, when starfish glowworms of early summer's field quit reflecting their silent winged partners and became them, when the near florescence of my own exaltation met the breathful skies and inhaled them."

sunday.

my weekend away was beautiful. i never thought i would be so happy to see the 'welcome to pennsylvania' sign. i saw some faces, both familiar and new, and felt right back at home. but i felt incredibly old, as well. i am not a freshman in college, nor am i a senior in college. i am a working lady who is usually in bed by ten pm. i also do not have the wardrobe of a college student. really. cardigans are my necessity, not silk tank tops with high heels. it's weird how fast time has gone, and to think i was once a freshman, then a senior. i never thought i would reach the old lady status i am at now. oh well. it was a perfect amount of time to spent away, and i really missed home a lot more then i thought i would. i am very comfortable in new york. i like it here. im high school i just wanted out of new york, so i did just that. now i want nothing then to leave new york for only a few days. then i miss it. crave it. miss my friends. the family. the comforts of home-livin. sleeping in your bed vs an air mattress. needless to say, it's nice to be home.

i for some reason thought the lincoln tunnel would be a faster way home then the GW bridge tonight, so i was stuck in gridlock in the city for two hours. two painful hours. but for a girl who missed new york, i did the correct route. the bright lights shined my name and the honking of horns were calling my name.

home is a beautiful place.

ive been absent.

going to my alma-mater tomorrow (lock haven u) for homecoming festivities. they are expecting snow and i am expecting a weekend of laughs, love and wine. cannot wait. new faces and old faces await me. see you sunday.

ciao, bella.

just what i needed

A Community Service Reminder from the Universe:

Marvelous Melissa, your gifts are innumerable; your depth is incalculable; your presence is unforgettable.
Your touch is healing; your style is appealing; your power is mind reeling.
And you are loved and adored on a moment-to-moment basis, more than you can now comprehend.

Just like we planned -
The Universe

(for mb & stef)

The Peace of Wild Things
When despair for the world grows in me
and I wake in the night at the least sound
in fear of what may life and my children’s lives may be,
I go and lie down where the wood drake
rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.
I come into the peace of wild things
who do not tax their lives with forethought
of grief. I come into the presence of still water.
And I feel above me the day-blind stars
waiting with their light. For a time
I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.

Wendell Berry, Openings: The Peace of Wild Things

two things i learned on monday

1. "you cant change the world" - as said by a mental health counselor i met at school this evening.

2. "dont look back in anger" - as sung by the gallagher brothers. the brothers i will be seeing in three freakin months. (!!!!!)

I will not die an unlived life. I will not live in fear of falling or catching fire. I choose to inhabit my days, to allow my living to open me, to make me less afraid, more accessible, to loosen my heart until it becomes a wing, a torch, a promise. I choose to risk my significance; to live so that which comes to me as seed goes to the next as blossom and that which comes to me as blossom, goes on as fruit.

"i love you i love you i love you"

"I hadn't been out to the hives before, so to start off she gave me a lesson in what she called "bee yard etiquette.” 

She reminded me that the world was really one big bee yard, and the same rules worked fine in both places: Don't be afraid, as no life-loving bee wants to sting you. Still, don't be an idiot; wear long sleeves and long pants. Don't swat. Don't even think about swatting. If you feel angry, whistle. Anger agitates, while whistling melts a bee's temper. Act like you know what you're doing, even if you don't. 

Above all, send the bees love. Every little thing wants to be loved".

the secret life of bees. sue monk kidd.

BRILLIANT FILM.

(although the book is such a beautiful novel filled with flowing words and prose. both are highly recommended).

for you. and you. and you.

this sickens me

dawn mentioned prop 8 recently, and i really urge any of you californians (i know you're out there!) to vote a huge freggin NO to this ban that fills me with anger.

equality is something we must all strive to work for. we all came from the same star in the sky, we live and breathe the same air. speak the same words. i am not asking that we all support one another's beliefs and practices... but i am asking that we at least RESPECT them. who people marry should NOT be something controlled by government.
i speak very openly about all the wonderful men in my life, who have wonderful male significant others. i truly speak up for them when they are too afraid to speak up for THEIR OWN BELIEFS in society. it is a sad, sad world when one of my best friends cannot be who he is in the workplace, because he doesnt want to put his career in jeopardy. it's a sad world when they are afraid to be open with the community, because of fear of how their family will be viewed. it's a sad world when people, so innocent, like matthew shepard are killed because of their sexuality.

i know that the times are changing, and we are more acceptable then we once were, but this is america. we are accustomed to so many eccentric and eclectic thoughts and beliefs, that same sex marriage should be so MINIMAL compared to everything else that is going in our nation. we are in a CRISIS. do we really have to pass a law that is going to say you can and cannot marry? this is ridiculous. how do you think we got into this crisis to begin with? by people paying too much attention to the little, and not enough time on the larger picture. rather then pass laws on who can marry who, let's not send so many troops to iraq. let's not tax working class to death. let's not frivolously spend money on the aforementioned war in iraq. let's give senior citizens a break with their health care. let's figure out if my generation is going to have social security when we retire. let's get the dow back. let's figure out why other countries want nothing to do with america. let's work on new york state highways that are some of the un-safest to drive on, in the country.
let's NOT worry about who is marrying who, and what is going on behind closed doors. let's accept. respect. and maybe, if it "disgusts" us so much, close our eyes to what we dont want to see -- but NEVER close our hearts. you cannot change who is going to love who, and that is a freggin fact. i just wish the close-minded people in this world would get off their high-horse, and 'face the facts'.




"when the message out there, is so horrible, that to be gay, you can be killed for it - we need to change the message". -ellen



(ellen is my hero).

please

we dont get two lives to live --

rachael yamagata's new album, elephants...teeth sinking into my heart is so glorious. it's (obviously) written from the heart and so raw and true. written by a girl who just got her heart broken. a girl who hurts, is angry and has such a voice. a voice of angels. a voice of pain. a voice of beauty.

favourite song? 'the only fault' (as of right now).



not to mention, she is beautiful, makes me miss my long hair and bangs.

live high:

jason mraz was beautiful in concert this past weekend at radio city music hall. i dont think i mentioned how amazed i was by his music and his performance.

he did so many favourites - but i get chills just watching this video. his words in this song - are my motto.

live high
live mighty
live righteously
just takin' it easy

this video itself, is just a little snippet on how my friday night was spent. beautiful. everything about it felt like a dream.


(rachel - please watch this video, and watch when the crowd goes crazy when obama shows up. it was unreal).

new jewels!

two of new favourite creations were added to my little shop this evening.


a cute little layering necklace
&
cute little earrings with flowers and leaves!
take a looksie! they are perfect for the autumn weather.

dear loving rachel ordered my favourite pair of earrings this evening, so tomorrow they will be sent away to maryland to move from my heart, to hers!

creating is always so beautiful. i hope if you had the day off, like myself, you were able to create something beautiful.

ps: my "everything book" has also begun creation this evening, as well!

xo

day off.

today, i decided, i am going to start an "everything book".

i was giving a gorgeous (bright pink! with my initials engraved!) blank hardcover book for christmas by a former boss. i was saving it for something special. someplace where i could write my dreams and capture them forever. but do i really have enough dreams to last 300 pages? (surely i do, but i didnt want to waste this beautiful book for solely that!)

then it hit me. why not put all of my important thoughts and dreams and collections in it? make a living inspirational journal. a dream diary. a book of everything. glue in beautiful cards and notes from friends. stick in photos with quotes that i want to capture forever. write and draw in my favourite inspirational words and doodles. staple in ticket stubs with beautiful words surrounding them.

i cant wait to get started. to create my dreams and make them come to life before my eyes.

what's so funny about peace, love and understanding?

YES YES YES

i mean, i always have been notorious for being a loud person. i always spoke my mind, and continue to speak my mind when things are wrong. i used to hold a lot of things back, but now i just get it out there. i dont always expect a response, and sometimes i am speaking to things that cannot even give me a response.

(ex: one afternoon, when i was working with gap, my manager found me talking to a mannequin, not just talking, but debating some of life's greatest mysteries, to a mannequin. i was perfectly okay with this, and fully aware i was speaking and venting to an object that obviously had no reaction to what i was saying. that is okay. i am a firm believer in speaking out your fears, worries, dreams, even if it's to a wall, a book, an animal... something that cannot judge you or question you. just get it out there).

i think this whole 'talking without thinking' thing runs in my blood. my grandfather talks to the tv. a lot. it would be during baseball games. "you're all bums! what are you doin on the major league??!" or it would be during law and order, "what! how can you not see that he is guilty?! get a new job! you stink!" if you are a regular with my family or my house, you know that these quotes directly come from him. 

a few weeks ago, i realized that i am really my grandfathers granddaughter. i reached the level in my life where i now yell at the tv during the debate. yes, i am yelling at politicians through the tv. scrumptious. teresa heard me yelling at mccain, and i thought nothing of it. it is typical in my house to hear someone yelling at the tv... until this morning, when i found myself, home alone, yelling at the newspaper reading the latest political headlines. 

seriously. i am ready for this election to be over and done with, because i want my sanity back. i want to not have to open the newspaper and yell at mccain's latest plan, and i want to not have to yell at him during a debate and remind him that he is running for president of the usa, not president of the vfw.

i dont care who you vote for, or who anyone votes for, but i just want people to VOTE. i am twenty four years old, and am presently being affected by our current economic crisis. i invest in the stock market, and check the market on a way-too frequent basis with a beating heart and shaky hands. i am a graduate student with more loans she needs to take out. i am a young woman who one day, would like to buy her own house. i want to be able to have a pension and live off of a 401k when i retire. i WANT to retire. right now, i feel very unsettled with our route of policies. i am awaiting a change, and a positive change. i want answers and i want to feel secure, both personally and as a whole, as a country, want security and freedom. global warming is already setting me on edge, so i would like to have a government and a leader that make me feel calm.

i vote for -

karma.

casual fridays.

lending a helping hand.

change.

being there for a stranger.

compassionate people.

ART.

gratitude.

grandparents.

tiny businesses.

compost piles.

peaceful hearts.

intelligence.

and end to war.

planting seeds on earth day.

those who cannot.

speaking your mind.

being true to yourself.

FREEDOM.

finding a cure for hiv/aids.

smiling.

what do you vote for?

"always

practice 

gratitude"

-jason mraz, radio city music hall, oct 10, 2008

f-r-e-e-d-o-m

today i let go.

(of a lot of hair.)

not quite the 11 inches that would be sufficient to keep a young girls head warm this winter, but damn close. my head feels lighter. both physically and mentally. lovin.

let me tell you about an artist

this doc (& trailer) made me cry.

it is so good for when you need some inspiration to do some doodles.

my inspiration for the day:

from the genius / brilliant / talented ryan adams --

(re: the latest economy crisis)

"i am not going to stop anything i am doing. i hope you don’t either.
keep the faith.
and keep moving.
darkness follows light-
light follows always
times infinity"

brilliant:

i started reading a copy from the library, and then found the same brilliant book at barnes and noble for $5. five freggin dollars. grabbed it up and will not let go. blue van meer follows me in my dreams.

i saw 'body of lies' this evening (ready for another bargain -- for free! thank you farmingdale library for free passes. see, sometimes it does pay to be a huge book worm). i left the movie with my jaw to the ground and the notion that: i am terribly spooked by the c.i.a. right now. they could be reading this right now and i am not afraid to admit, i am in amazement of what they are (and at times, are not) capable of, in a very peculiar way.

i am getting my hair (chopped off) on thursday. by chopped off, i really mean a GOOD, healthy trim. more layers and my bangs will be back. bangin' away. i cant wait. 

oh by the way, did you register to vote yet? only a few more days... let your voice be heard. please.

from up above

Marvelous Melissa, put yourself deep into the picture of your dreams. Feel, hear, see, taste, and smell the differences in your life. Imagine the many wonderful and surprising side effects of their manifestation, and see if I can't connect the dots.

This is how I roll,
The Universe




Try it now, Marvelous Melissa, for a few seconds... just to see how real you can make it feel...... I'm waiting....

moments to love a grandpa most.

today is sebmarine (my lovely grandfathers) birthday.  he is eighty something. eighty six maybe? either way, it doesnt matter. he doesnt look a day over seventy. he doesnt act a day over 13. i am not kidding about this, either.

as some of you may know, my stand-in-boyfriend/best friend's name is george. george burns, to be exact.

this morning, george sent an email to sebmarine. wishing him a happy birthday. such a sweet gesture that i knew KNEW knew seb would love. i came home from school, ran downstairs to smoother my lovable grandfather with birthday kisses, and i asked him if he got his email from a special person.

"well, allstate wished me a happy birthday!" he said. so proudly. with a huge smile on my face. as if his face and smile were saying, allstate and i are best friends! imagine that! i continued. asking him if he got an email from his best pal. 

(sidenote: his real best pal of over fifty years, uncle courtney as all knew him, died this past summer. part of my grandpa's laughter died with the passing of his childhood best friend. the night he passed, was the night of george's 25th birthday. when i was leaving to spoil my childhood best friend with birthday happiness, my grandpa stopped me, in tears, and told me how lucky i was to have such a caring and wonderful friend. "after all those years, you remain loyal to him and you two never stop laughing. dont ever stop laughing with him," were his words. i remember looking at him, the man who never cries, crying like a baby in front of me. unsure what to say, through his sobs he said "tell george i need a new best pal, i mean, i know he's yours, but i need someone to never stop laughing with").

so when i asked gramps about receiving an email from his best friend, he looked puzzled. i gave him a hint. "it would come from a george burns...." immediately his face lit up. he started laughing. tears streaming down his face. "OH!!! THAT GEORGE BURNS! I THOUGHT THE DEAD ACTOR GEORGE BURNS WISHED ME A HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SO I SAID THANK YOU IN REPLY!!!". never have i laughed so much. he is a special treat. i wish everyone had grandpa's like mine.

dreaming

someone once told me that if my master's degree doesnt pan out, i should consider being a children's librarian. there is something so beautiful and liberating about children's books. to be so young, and open a book, to a page filled with dreams and fantasies. to share this joy with children, and to read them stories that make them laugh, cry and gasp in horror. to be part of their imagination. to look at colourful words all day that play around on pages. to get inside their heads, and to be on their level of silliness. to make silly faces as you read along to them, and to colour outside the lines.

ive thought about the idea. however, i want to combine all my passions into one. a long-time dream of mine has been to open up a coffee shop. either somewhere in greenwich village or in a little nook on long island. a coffee shop that sells more then coffee, but words. a coffee shop bookstore. but not a bookstore that sells books that are on the top sellers list, but books that have changed my life. books that when i open, i am opening up the pages to lives of my friends in the books. books that actually make you F E E L and think. and of course, some brilliant classics that go forgotten about. little women, a tree grows in brooklyn, cat's cradle, the secret life of bees, the giving tree, anne frank. my shop will be filled with all of these books that i feel comfortable speaking about. a coffee shop bookstore that has book discussions. where ladies (and men) come every month to discuss a classic favourite. to debate on endings and "what if's". a coffee shop bookstore that has an upstairs studio for yoga. a place to unwind and find your inner self. your inner zen. namaste. a coffee shop bookstore yoga studio that sells local art, made by friends. paintings, jewelry, clothing, everything homemade and touched by our fingers. a place where everyone who walks in is a friend, a comforting home. like that places you see in the movies. i would wear a homemade apron everyday (a different one for each day of the week!) and welcome everyone, young and old, into my shop, as if it was my home. with homemade lemonsquares and orange juice cake and other family recipes. to be shared with my new family. my reading family.

this long term dream of mine unfortunately only has potential to stay a dream. it's so sad how our society is so fast-paced that we cant even appreciate sitting with a cup of tea to read a beautiful book. to have a place to go to unwind that is free of cell phones and wi-fi. everywhere we go, people are moving, talking on phones, IM'ing one another and are too busy to sit back and let their mind imagine. let their eyes dance along prose, poetry, novels, novellas and plays. instead our eyes gaze over text messages, emails and the television. i hope that one day, i can get the courage to follow a dream of mine, and force people to put away the blackberries, shut off the laptops, and enter my world. my world with hot teas, literature and art. my world of peace and intelligence. my world of happiness.

"choke" was wonderous. at first my initial reaction was "wow" but after it settled, it was really amazed by it. obviously, the book is so much better, but the movie really did it justice. impressed. i am.

today is a beautiful day. it screams autumn outside and i am l-o-v-i-n every second of fresh air. it wont last long. i am baking a pizza in the oven for my family, and tomorrow begins the first of many traditional sunday night italian feasts at my house. we're celebrating my grandpa's birthday, which means lasagna, cake, brownies and an autumn wine. i am okay with all of those luxuries.

george is my date to 13 the musical tonight and i cant wait to hug him and to be by his side. we havent seen each other in over a month (seriously) and my heart is going to explode in his arms. he put his night on hold in anticipation for the show. (george hates broadway shows. literally HATES them). i am blessed. by his subtle actions and by your presence in my life. everything is so peaceful right now.




life is what we make it
always has been,
always will be.





i hope your life is just as peaceful.
dance in the autumn wind and hug a close friend. let them know how special they are to you. make your family a special treat just because. smile as the leaves fall and the pumpkins start to show their faces. it's only here for a short amount of time. let's make the most of it. this happy life. happy weekend.

funday friday

josh radin and ingrid michaelson have been consuming my life lately. both separate and together. their words, humming, harmonies and guitars are beautiful. both separate and together. i feel like they have been friends of mine for years, because their words are so true and homely. both separate and together.

tonight i am seeing 'choke' with a friend (who i would really name and link to his blog. but......) & then we're goin to my favourite irish pub for dinner and blue moon. maybe pumpkin ale, if i am lucky. tomorrow, a good friend of mine who works for broadway scored me four free tickets to 13 the musical. it just so happens i know two people in the show, so i am really excited. a few people who have seen the show have raved about it (although we may be partial because of the aforementioned actors we know in the show), but i have a feeling it wont last on broadway long (it opens sunday evening), so i am grateful to squeeze in time to see it before it possibly closes. then, coop and i are going to lense's bands show (i dont even know if they have a myspace) and i am bringing only my favourite hipster of the century along, alessandro.

the weekend is good. today was an easy day, i played bingo with the ol' folk and convinced more people to register to vote. i am pretty sure all the non-english speaking ol' folk i work with think i am signing them up for a million dollars, when in reality, im signing them up for their chance to make a change in the world. which is really greater than a million dollars.

election day

i registered a few people to vote at work today, and it was beautiful. please note: im not registering the young eighteen year olds to vote, im registering the ol' folk. from age 65 and up. some of them were telling me today, that they never, EVER voted before (!).
and this year, they are hoping to make a change. elderly people, set in their ways, stubborn, content with everything, are registering to vote, to make a change. it blows my mind. it makes me so happy. some of them are new citizens, they are just learning the language, but are terribly anxious to vote for the first time.
no matter their story, they sign by the 'x' with a huge smile on their face and thank me. i know i have done them well.

if they are changing their ways, why cant you?

THINGS TO DO IN OCTOBER

-more quilting
-finish crocheting a scarf for a newborn in need
-get my room organized
-stay happy
-rid every form of white food out of my diet (this will be difficult. baby steps)
-carve a pumpkin for home AND work
-see equus
-return phone calls sooner
-put more goodies on my etsy site
-send more snail mail
-surprise someone daily
-be lighter physically and mentally
-meditate every morning
-stay grateful


what will you do this month?

today's for you

i cannot wait two months to see this in concert:


ottoman - vampire weekend

it has been the greatest and happiest (!) beats to come into my head. george and i have a new habit, and it's texting each other lyrics, and the other person has to text the next lyric in that song. needless to say, half of our lyrics are vampire weekend (or girl talk. seriously). we used to text other quotes from snippets of conversations we had, but we stepped it up and moved onto music. move over jesse lacey, someone may have taken the spot in my heart that was always reserved for brand new. and his name isnt george, either. this band is sick.

ps: i found how i am going to cut my hair! yes yes yes!

hey.

i came across this from ze frank, and my arm hairs stood up and tears exploded in my eyes.

it's something that some of us may need now, or something that some of us will bookmark and use when the time is right. whenever you listen to it, close your eyes and smile. youre okay. youre doing the best you can. you are worth it. everything negative will pass, tomorrow is a new day, and today is a beautiful day.

ze frank: a children's song for adults.

enjoy. xo.

december 17

a lot of new faces on my blog friend list! yes! i will do some introductions for you all....

kate is my newest and favourite. she was the last person who i thought would get a blog and she finally did it.
miss queenshood herself, my dawnie bean. the girl needed a blog, and she knew this. it was a matter of time. she is seriously my own personal chelsea handler. together, we need to blog together, because our life is shambles with our boys.
we have mb's studly man, mr sk himself. it's a shame he likes the mets, but im a big fan of his girlfriend, so im really letting this slide.
then, last but not least, james, heather and james from the spring standards were cute enough to start a blog of their fall tour!

everyone is goin' blog cah-razy this autumn!
(next up: shea!)

in more exciting news...
*drumroll*

i was presenting my really scary, informative and important graduate abstract to my professor today. this paper is a huge chunk of my graduate preformance, and it gets read by a few important board members, and has potential to be published, if the board agrees it. needless to say, the girl with a 4.0 wants her freggin research paper published and wants an A on it. so i worked hard on my abstract, and worked hard on perfecting my presention to my professor on my commute to school this evening. it wasnt a huge presentation, just your research abstract and he was going to approve it or disapprove it. i choose a topic i knew would be eclectic and present a good counseling problem. i was the fifth presentation to go. so far, my professor was ripping everyone apart. he calls my name. my palms were soo sweaty (shea!) and i thought i was going to seriously throw up. and not to mention, people were totally in business suits for their presentation. i obviously, was not. i begin my presentation, and i notice my professor is distracted. he's not looking at me. weird. i keep going. i am telling him where i am citing things and rolling out statistics and medical journals. he says "i have a headache" and rubs his head. immediately i think "i failed. this man is such a jerk". so i say outloud, "do i have too many statistics this early on?" he keeps rubbing his head. i failed. he is pissed. he looks up, and i keep reading, so embarassed by the fact that i thought i did a good job, and he is being a jerk with his nonverbal gestures. all of a sudden, i glance at him, as your supposed to do to your audience when presenting, and the mans eyes roll behind his head. he fainted. crazy!

well, before this, i got a beautiful voicemail from stef telling me that my dreamboat, RYAN ADAMS is playing MSG this december 17.
who has two thumbs and is going? THIS GIRL. i would put who i was going to the concert with... but he doesnt have a blog. this a subtle hint to him...

the walker's

i always joke around with people and say i cannot get attached to tv shows. honestly, it's VERY true. i cannot be commited to a tv show the same way i cannot be tied down to man this point in my life. there is too much going on with school, work, friends, and social gatherings. plus, i never really want to be the person that says "oh! i cant go! i have to watch tv!"

however, my prince charming, a la television land, did come into my life, and i do make sacrifices.



my favourite family. i feel like home when i watch them. this is the only show i commit to and the only show that if i miss, i will find a way to watch it online the following day. they come back tonight and i am gearing up. with caramel apples and the big screen in the basement.

in other news - i am writing my first psych theme'd research paper, and i wish i could say it was going easier then it really is. it's for my research methodology course, and my professor (although a total babe) is pretty freggin' strict thus far. i was going to orginally do the topic of the effects of ethnic gay men coming out to society, but i have since (last minute) switched it to the increasingly (scary) aids/hiv diagnosis in ethnic gay men. it's terribly time-consuming and straight up research. no analysis and no opinions. straight up research. slaving. my abstract is due tomorrow and it's been eating me alive all week. ive been scouring through research papers after research papers and i feel as though im only spitting out numbers. it needs more depth, but research isnt like that. it's painful.

enough about me, how are you?

susie homemaker.

"what did you do on friday night?" -you, booming person with a wonderful social life.

"oh, i just baked two batches of lemon squares, read through my gramma's recipe book, read the rachel ray magazine cover to cover, forced my best friend to be as equally nerdy as me, where we then proceeded to bake homemade mac and cheese, and read better homes and gardens together. oh, then we baked blueberry muffins (mini ones, thank you), watched the presidential debate (obama nation), yelled at the tv during aforementioned debate, AND then watched young at heart where i thought i was going to turn into a puddle and had to stop my tears from flowing. we then departed ways, and then re-connected when the yankees slammed the red sox, 19-5. CRAZY FRIDAY NIGHT OVER HERE". -melissa, your nerdy friend.

car rides

i happen to drive to and from astoria during peak rush hour times, so needless to say, shea and i waste a lot of time in our cars. we are very go green(!) and car pool (obviously), but sometimes we spend so much time sitting in traffic we go crazy. (like the time we were in tears because shea stuck her finger in my applesauce). we have both developed a strong dislike (or possibly hate in my case) for the way motorcyclists drive and weave inbetween cars (it is a death trap), the way the police put on their flashers just to get through a red light (why cant they just be like everyone else? and why do they get to drive on their cell phones but we get tickets for it?), the obnoxious garbage men in astoria and the really obnoxious 'no left turn between 7am-10am' signs plastered ALL OVER astoria, as well. but at the same time, we both have a killer time listening to a cd twice through (that's how long it takes us to get to work), the smell near the airport, people watching through cars, and for lorna doodles on the car ride home.

anyway! today, shea had off from work so i drove into work alone. melissa sitting in rush hour traffic is another term for melissa going through every mix cd in her car. alone. i apparently decided that i was going to pick up chunk of mix cd's i found in my backseat, that are unlabeled, which all happen to be the mix cd's cody and i made a month or so before we graduated lock haven u. some of the songs were so ridiculous, that i was non stop texting philly and delaware with ridiculous lyrics and memories. we must have made a collection of 'the best of college mix' because every song we have ever sung, were on these cd's. ridiculous. they had me cackling in my car at 7:30 this morning.

college was a breeze compared to grad school. grad school is another term for 'youre going to spend $50K in two years just to write paper after paper after paper'. i miss undergrad so very much. i miss living with my best friends and decorating our apartment for holidays, i miss wine nights and fancy dinner parties, i miss going to class and people watching on campus, i miss getting a school paper and i even miss the cafeteria! i think i took for granted everything my undergrad had to offer, and i realized this when i went to a commuter grad school. a school in the middle of the city with no true campus, just sidewalks, a parking lot and a little outside patio. i have developed some good friends in my program, but nothing and no one compares with the undergrad group. those people and those four years, priceless.

in other news: i have this sick obsession with caramel apples. for our first day of autumn party at work on monday, i bought this caramel dip for fruit. easily i became in love. i was craving it all day yesterday, and ate some more today. on the way home, it was all i could think about. caramel and apples. caramel and apples. today, on my way home, although utterly exhausted and excited to welcome my gramma home from the hospital, i stopped and picked up more apples and *drumroll* a CARAMEL & CHOCOLATE dip! combined! oh lordie.

kiehl's

melissa: "brad pitt just came out with a line through kiehl's"
george: "he is my hero"

it's true, my friends. i think a random weekend visit to george a year or so ago, i was sent back to long island with one of his kiehl's lip balms by mistake, started my love for kiehl's products. the obsession quickly grew, my lips were the happiest they have ever been, and not to mention, one of the only kiehl's stores happens to be in chelsea, walking distance from the apartment. it was love at first site.

my list of love for autumn related things always grows - and naturally, kiehl's needs to make the list. the products work wonders. specifically the lip balm. they even come out with a limited edition lip balm every holiday season. my lips are notorious for getting dry in the cool months, so kiehl's is a melissa-favourite. i suggest you add this to your pocketbooks and jean pockets this season. youll thank me later.

favourite

first day of autumn, absolute favourite. a kick off to my favourite holidays. a time of the season where no matter where you look, everything is beautiful. the cool nights in the morning, the smell of leaves and pumpkins in the early morning. the first cup of hot chocolate, wearing a big, cozy robe and silly slippers. an excuse to break out the boots and scarves, maybe even wearing a hat here and there. it's beautiful. happy first day of autumn, to you! hope it's celebrated well!

"let the beauty we love be what we do. there are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground."
— Rumi

“you have never really lived until you've done something for someone who can never repay you.”

the most wonderful time of the year

mary's blog has been updated with photos, stories, thoughts and lots of love from her travels of the world, thus far. today, she leaves for south east asia, so her european adventure is over. stop by and at least look at the gorgeous views from greece, turkey, budapest and everywhere else in europe. she's been gone for two months, and has seriously seen more and done more then people see and do in a year. lovin' it.

fall is among us, and i am going to be brave and finally break out my boots today. i have been waiting patiently for this season to come for a few reasons.

a.) boots. yes yes yes. i love my boots! boots with tights, boots with straight leg jeans, boots with anything. i am all about boots.

b.) concerts. the three biggest: jason mraz with eric in october. girl talk with george, aaron & co in november. (ps: girl talk's one show date was so popular he added two more dates in nyc!). and lastly (the favourite!) vampire weekend in december with the same gang that saw them in central park this spring. (ps: they also added a second date!). every month there is a new exciting concert to look forward to and i will be there! (in boots).

c.) candy corn. this says it all.

d.) the events coming up at catherine sheridan house. autumn parties. pumpkin carving. thanksgiving lunch. trim-a-tree tea. you name it, we're celebrating it!

e.) a fall vineyard tour with stephen for his birthday. mmmm.

f.) the holiday collection gap and jcrew put out hits stores in two weeks. (cordoury! velvets! burnt orange!).

and lastly -

g.) SCARFS! (as if i was going to say something different?).

"the best counselors are the most creative counselors"
- my research methodolgy professor.

i figure that once upon a time i was an ocean
but now i'm a mountain range
something unstoppable set into motion
nothing's different but
everything's changed

7

seven years ago to this day, our world changed as we know it. seven years ago, i sat with my grandmother, a cold birthday dinner, and cried in her arms. i stayed up all night, afraid to sleep, because i wasn't sure what i could expect. going to school in the morning, the air was different. the faint scent of burning bodies was all around us. eyes were bloodshot. hallways were silent. the skyline from my beach was filled with smoke and flames. life was going to be different. especially life in new york.

seven years later, life is different. i am fortunte to still be here, with myself and my family by my side. my uncle, an nypd, went missing, but he was later found. alive. tramatized, but alive. my eyes have seen terrorism at it's worst, my eyes have experienced a war, yet i still try and find the hope. the courage. the peace. the beauty. and the love in all of this.

today i am grateful. i live in a country where my freedom is free. i am a woman and i am able to work, get an education and marry who i please. i am not afraid to be who i am, or to speak my mind. i have freedom. i am independent. it's hard to say what life will be for my children, but i hope it's gentle. i hope they never have to experience the horror that came crashing into my life on september 11, 2001. my perfect world was hit with a something too close to home. in my own backyard, there was a war right before my eyes. hate was plastered everywhere i looked, read and breathe. i can only pray, have hope and faith that things are not like this for them. i hope they can look back on september 11, 2001, and see all the good that has come from it. the coming together. the support. the charity. the need for hope, prayer and saying 'thank you'.

although it is cliche, today is my day to share my upmost love and graitude for everyone in my life. although i may never say it, i am truly blessed by every person who is reading this right now. without all of you in my life, i wouldnt be who i am or where i am today. we should all take time to thank those in our life, and realize that we should never take them for granted. and not just on september 11, but everyday.
today is a reminder that we should look around and remember that so many individuals lost mothers, fathers, brothers, daughters, sons, sisters, cousins, friends and soulmates, all because of an act of hate. we need to take the words they wish they said to their beloved ones that morning as they left their homes, and tell them to our loved ones every night. we need to let go of the anger, hostility and give a hug, be thankful and let go. & more importantly, we need to be there for another. stranger or friend, let's be there. let's show some compassion and respect.

catherine sheridan senior housing

the past three days have been such a whirlwind of new experiences. my new job, thus far, is the most beautiful and heartfelt experience i have ever had. i cant even put into words or thought what this job has bought me so far, and it literally is the third day.

there is something so dear and so beautiful about being there for people. especially the elderly. i can understand people who need assistance, but my elderly friends dont need assistance. they dont want or need anything, to be honest. they are content with sitting in their chair and observing. they are used to sitting in quiet and being alone. but having another presence there with them, that is what makes them smile and live. and for me, my job is to be that other presence. to make my presence be a present (pun intended). even if it's just a simple 'good morning', it's a message they don't hear enough, and it's a message that makes their day so much more beautiful.

shea and i had a lemonade party today, and it was unreal. the turnout was generous, and the individuals involved were so grateful for us to be there. the hugs and the words we here on a daily basis are the most rewarding words. i am so blessed to have the opportunity to finally give back all the good that was given to me in my life. many people my age think i am crazy for working with senior citizens, but they are some of the most intelligent and sweetest people i have met through my lifetime. and i have met my fair share of seniors, being raised by my grandparents.

my 5:30 a.m. wake up call has been worth it. the two hours in traffic, worth it. i work with such a beautiful, intelligent friend and work with individuals who don't take a single second for granted. i am in love. with life.

the gift

today was a beautiful day.

first day of a new job. a new career.
with smiling faces and new friends with gray hair.

first day of an intense day of graduate school.
with awesome professors and old friends.

a good, GOOD, phone call from my city bug, george.
filled with happiness & long-distance hugs to be shared.

beautifully written emails from my aunts,
along with beautiful emails from friends.
all with support and love.




things are where they should be.

i have found my calling. ive been waiting for this.

out beyond ideas of wrongdoing
and rightdoing there is a field.
i'll meet you there.
when the soul lies down in that grass
the world is too full to talk about. ~rumi

inspiration for a sunday:

"Spiritual practice is the process of coming to see our misknowledge and letting it go, to begin to experience, accept, and live the truth about how we and the world actually are. When we begin to understand and to live this way, there is a great decrease in fear and dread, so common in human experience, caused by the huge gap between our expectations and the way things actually are. With an appreciation of the empty nature of things, there are no more foiled expectations. There is a lot more joy, peace, and love." -Norman Fischer

you you you you you you

happy birthday, bevos.



xoxoxoxo

here we go.

here goes the start of something, i hope worthwhile. i am sharing my love and passion, with others. a little part of me wrapped around their neck, wrist and dangling from their eyes. it's finally here. i hope one day soon, you all find a piece that warms your heart :)

calm heart creations.



and yes, i do name a lot of my pieces after people who inspire me. so be expected to see YOUR name real soon! :)

unhappy kitty.

am i the only freaked out by tropical storm hannah, and those other two beasts... gustav and ike?
(by the way, i want the job of naming these storms. gustav? seriously?).

dont get me wrong - i love mother nature, but i dislike when mother nature gets angry. and so does jasmine. an unhappy kitty in this household = tropical storm jasmine in your living room. she goes crazy.

finally!

some of the perks of the gap is getting my hands on a crap load of marketing and free goods that come my way. i have it all. posters, vinyls, decorations, marketing, books, magazines, you name it - it's in my closet. both in my home, and my closet at work. a few months ago, i was given this thick, coffee table book, featuring every single gap ad with every single person who was photographed for a gap campaign. it's really an awesome book. for you photography lovers, it's a must see. it is gorgeous, the photographers and individuals (who is oddly enough, the name of the book) are stunning. for you advertising junkies (like myself) the campaigns date back to the 70's and go into some of the the most current campaigns. (well, as recent as you can go, since gap haulted their advertising efforts in the past few years).

anyway, besides drooling over the campaign gap did with elijah wood many moons ago... they did one with ryan adams, as well. i was trying to remember if he filmed a commerical, and it was a heated debate at the dinner table one night. i said yes, the boys said no. the friends at gap, they were indifferent. i searched, searched... and searched. and, well guess what my friends...



baby-faced and in his glory (and standard fit jeans), there he is. you cant hate my company for this one, can you?

the new underground

september snuck up on me and i am perfectly okay with it. i always patiently wait for that 'back to school feeling'. where you wake up chilly in the morning, start experimenting with new teas, break out your favourite brown leather boots, wear socks around the house and you smell the leaves falling from the tree. it's a very blissful month for myself.

i start my new job in less then a week, and am so, so, so, so unbelievely happy. i cant wait to meet my new gray hair'd friends, welcome them into my life, and explore a new area.
what i am not too entirely thrilled for however, is going to to campus tomorrow and spending over $500 on THREE textbooks. yes, my friends, three books is costing me over $500. and that is only with two classes! if i take an additional class like how i would ultimately like, i am even more hurt. i am not one to cry about money, especially when it comes to my education, because i have the money - but man, textbooks are ridiculous.

as mentioned previously. the weekend was slow. tonight was local, long island wine and a bbq with peanut butter cookies. with bug bites and crickets chirping. perfect. i sold my first necklace on etsy.com, & although it was to a friend out west, it still made me feel so good and refreshed this morning.

by the way, i have become in love with guster's latest album, 'ganging up on the sun'. the first track, lightning rod is brilliant. i cannot stop listening to it. i also broke out my 'the last waltz' by the band, and have not stopped jamming to it tonight. it's been the soundtrack to thousands of thank-you cards i am mustering out to family and friends.

life is good.
too good, sometimes.

ps: i am itching for a good haircut. a whole new style. remember when i randomly got bangs one weekend? i want something crazy like that again. & we're not breaking this news to george yet, as he has anxiety over the idea of me cutting my hair, but i need a new fall 'do. even michelle has slight anxiety when i tell her i want a dye job. but things must get done (at least in my mind). new job = new hair.
suggestions?

friends ---

yes yes yes.
about freggin time.
please watch them!

james heather and james are good people!

by: elizabeth gilbert

through the looking glass
Unable to see her own beauty, a woman turns to her mirror for a glimpse of the truth.

genius.
she is.
we all are.
do this daily.
youll be amazed at what you see.
in yourself. in your eyes. in your hair.
beauty.

for my exercise savvy friends:

as many of you know, i am quite in love with exercise, staying fit and eating healthy (but understanding that my body does need to indulge in carbs, CHEESE, pasta, beer and white bread here and there). sadly though, this summer, my whole exercise routine was out the window. i used to work a 9 to 5 corporate job, where i was at the gym at 6am... rain, shine, snow, hail, hungover... what have you - i was there. i was in the best shape of my life! then came my retail job, where hours were crazy. i have gained weight, more then i would have liked, but im dealing with it. i understand the consequences of my actions. overnights and working all over the island and manhattan is not sitting well with my healthy lifestyle. working behind a desk, i had a control over my body - what i put in it and how i worked it. working in retail, it's hard to walk past auntie anne's and not crave carbs. working an overnight in the city, it's so easy to slurp down a redbull to give you that energy (what i once used to get from my 6am workouts) and make a stop at starbucks to slurp down even more sugar and calories, and purchase a really, carb induced muffin.

as my time slows down with gap, and my body settles back into a 9-5 job, i am prepping my body for it's time to be fit again. i am a strong strong strong advocate of my gym, new york sports club. ive been to bally's, lucille roberts, synergy... but nysc tops them all. yes, it's pricey, but it's where i have had the best results, and the most fun. i think their staff is great, their equipment is up to date, they are so clean you can shower there barefoot (sadly this is a true story and obviously has been done before by me), and their classes are INTENSE. their yoga classes (hatha yoga is great for breathing exercises and club yoga is good for a work-out yoga) are (dare i say) better then some of the classes i take at dahn yoga.

so, tonight, (this is really the main point of this long, rambling blog) i decided to go to total body conditioning. okay, by the name, i thought i was going to be doing your basic sit-ups, lunges, stretches... you know, the basics. perfect for a girl whose just gettin back into the swing of things after taking a week long break from the gym, to indulge in those carbs she loves! um. let's discuss. total body conditioning was a lifting boot-camp. i am not at all complaining, but i hurt. a lot. for those familiar with the intense spinning class... this is so much worse than that. just remember the first time you went spinning, and how your whole body felt like jelly and you werent able to walk for a good hour or so. imagine that but multiply it by 5. that is what total body conditioning feels like. let's put it simple: i did over 25 push ups (what!!!), lifted my face off, did moves i think only football players should do, did three different forms of lunges and squats, and um, did more lifting. and anytime i tried to pick up a lighter weight, the trainer said "no no no" forcing me to struggle. once again: not at all complaining, it's great to push yourself when you know you can, but not okay when it's going to hurt yourself.

but man, i hurt. the good hurt. the hurt where you know you wont eat that bagel tomorrow and the hurt that will bring you back to the same class in two days, and do it all over. it was hell. it was torture. i thought i was going to pass out and throw up about 23 times. but it was great. check it out. i know those of you reading are members at nysc (or you soon will be, hi shea!). you may hate me for going, but youll love it at the same time!

last night!

i went to the local craft store's twilight super savings sale. (in normal person words = 25 percent off everything in the store). YES! i spent birthday money on beads, crystals, stamps, inks, paints, yarns and needles. i plan to up my creativity top notch this autumn. i am stocked up. i cant wait. im even toying with the idea of quilting a little quilt for my bed.

just something simple like this bad boy to my right. something with solids and prints of the pastel genre. pastel is everything i am against (big bold and beautiful is my trademark) but i am willing to try something different. for those of you who dont know, quilting is (surprisingly) in my blood. my grandmother is a huge quilter (as in - quilts are all over my house) and all my aunts are avid quilters. i love quilting, there is something so rewarding about this hobby, but it takes cool nights and patience and time, which lately i seem to not have enough of. i want to make it a part of my life again, so i can pass it down to my children, and they can pass it down to theirs. (sidenote --- back in the day, there was a male in my family who entered a quilt he designed and quilted himself into a state contest, and won first place. guess who it was.....)

i also have gifts to create before it's too late. my aunts birthday is labor day, and she loves anything and everything homemade she can wear on her ears, around her neck or on her wrist. easy. my grandmother turns 80 september 11, so i have the family making a page (or two!) for a scrapbook for her, and then i plan on making her an eyeglasses leash (normal person words = a necklace that goes around your neck and holds your glasses) and possibly knitting her a vest. the latter part will more then likely be a christmas gift, but it's a nice attempt to think i can knit an article of clothing in three weeks when it takes me years (literally) to finish scarves.

i have also been an addict to the food network's recipe collections and have been cooking up a storm. i have a fresh! homeade! pizza in the oven cooking and have a zillion other dishes i want to create. desserts, appetizers, pastas, vegan dishes, breads! everything! my mouth is watering with ideas. i need a month away from work so i can cook, knit, design and drink tea. lots of tea. all of this, i would like to be done in a soothing state. like colorado or arizona. somewhere where i can sit on the porch in the morning and see nothing but mountains, trees and birds flying high. no planes overhead, no trains, no people fighting for a seat on the subway - just nature and my passions. delicious thoughts.

a week long celebration --

--- has finally ended. with a cup of tea, a smile and jane austen.

if i tried to name everyone who made my saturday birthday so magical, it would be silly. i was overwhelmed by the response, the turnout, the thoughtful cards and the un-necessary gifts. constant movement of friends coming in and out of the beer garden to celebrate me, our friendships and our mutual friends. i am blessed! truly. i had a beautiful day (weather-wise) and experienced true happiness. a utopia. everyone made the journey. from long island to manhattan to even freggin california, i was blessed with so many beautiful friends by my side. even my family showed up! the photos i have are filled with cheesey smiles and pitchers of delicious imported beer. we ended the night back on long island, where the city friends even made the journey. bbq's, left right center and a firepit. a perfect ending to a perfect week.
as sad as i am to see my birthday come to a hault, my body is ready for detox. it has had its fair share of delicious foods and desserts for a long time. it's time to head back to yoga and head back to my running sneakers.

thank you thank you thank you to all you beautiful souls who made my birthday such a beautiful day / week / year. i have not even been my new age for a week yet, and i am already loving what has come my way.

xoxoxo.