five things i am grateful for today:

1. to have the ability to laugh till i cry everyday at work with shea. over silly things. like umbrellas going inside out and wheelchair mishaps.

2. to be in the middle of everything right now. close to so many manhattan friends for a quick lunch, yet still close enough to home.

3. for the midnight pomegranate scent my room currently has.

4. candy corn. really, i am.

5. gratitude. we dont hear it enough - and the month of thanks is coming. thank someone today. your doorman, the grumpy man at the gas station, someone who you dont even know... or yourself. for being who you are. :)

mary (plan b travels) recently updated her blog with beautiful descriptions of egypt. 

[to fill you in - mary is a dear and close friend of mine who left behind her life in new york to travel the world. for a year. her blog is just a snippet of all she has seen and done thus far. she amazes me deeply for picking up and going the way she did - she lives a life many of us dream of.]

now that mary is outside of europe, her internet connection is sparse, but my favourite part of the morning is a cup of tea, and checking to see if i have an update from her in my email. i keep all of her emails in a folder, and when i need a break, i read one. i put myself there with her, traveling, exploring and breathing new air. and then look at the beautiful photos of these places where she has left her mark and laid her head. where she has walked and what she has seen.

some of these places though, are so breath-takingly beautiful but so poor. so very poor. people run to her as she sets foot on their dirt roads. welcome her into their homes made of mud. prepare her meals that they grow themselves in their backyards. they have so little, but are so giving. so willing to open their homes and their families to a girl passing through. a girl who has it all back in america. just to look at her. learn from her. give her henna tattoos and play with her hair. teach her. nourish her.

i wish some of us could be like those who give. they never stop, and will do the same to the next person who walks by their home. 

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there is a wonderful mythical law of nature that the three things we crave most in life -- happiness, freedom, and peace of mind -- are always attained by giving them to someone else.

reminders of summer -

"The sound of lightning bugs is the same as that of fireworks—not the bang of going off but the glimmer of being on—the same as that of stars. It's the sound of amazement, people made breathless as the involuntary, unnoticed air of reverence explodes our bodies in embracing the twinkled sky, all eyes in wonder of where to focus, what to reach for, what to want to hold.
I know the sound of lightning bugs, for I've made it in their sea of wonder when sparkling spray milked the skyway and mirrored the mirror below, when starfish glowworms of early summer's field quit reflecting their silent winged partners and became them, when the near florescence of my own exaltation met the breathful skies and inhaled them."

sunday.

my weekend away was beautiful. i never thought i would be so happy to see the 'welcome to pennsylvania' sign. i saw some faces, both familiar and new, and felt right back at home. but i felt incredibly old, as well. i am not a freshman in college, nor am i a senior in college. i am a working lady who is usually in bed by ten pm. i also do not have the wardrobe of a college student. really. cardigans are my necessity, not silk tank tops with high heels. it's weird how fast time has gone, and to think i was once a freshman, then a senior. i never thought i would reach the old lady status i am at now. oh well. it was a perfect amount of time to spent away, and i really missed home a lot more then i thought i would. i am very comfortable in new york. i like it here. im high school i just wanted out of new york, so i did just that. now i want nothing then to leave new york for only a few days. then i miss it. crave it. miss my friends. the family. the comforts of home-livin. sleeping in your bed vs an air mattress. needless to say, it's nice to be home.

i for some reason thought the lincoln tunnel would be a faster way home then the GW bridge tonight, so i was stuck in gridlock in the city for two hours. two painful hours. but for a girl who missed new york, i did the correct route. the bright lights shined my name and the honking of horns were calling my name.

home is a beautiful place.

ive been absent.

going to my alma-mater tomorrow (lock haven u) for homecoming festivities. they are expecting snow and i am expecting a weekend of laughs, love and wine. cannot wait. new faces and old faces await me. see you sunday.

ciao, bella.

just what i needed

A Community Service Reminder from the Universe:

Marvelous Melissa, your gifts are innumerable; your depth is incalculable; your presence is unforgettable.
Your touch is healing; your style is appealing; your power is mind reeling.
And you are loved and adored on a moment-to-moment basis, more than you can now comprehend.

Just like we planned -
The Universe

(for mb & stef)

The Peace of Wild Things
When despair for the world grows in me
and I wake in the night at the least sound
in fear of what may life and my children’s lives may be,
I go and lie down where the wood drake
rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.
I come into the peace of wild things
who do not tax their lives with forethought
of grief. I come into the presence of still water.
And I feel above me the day-blind stars
waiting with their light. For a time
I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.

Wendell Berry, Openings: The Peace of Wild Things

two things i learned on monday

1. "you cant change the world" - as said by a mental health counselor i met at school this evening.

2. "dont look back in anger" - as sung by the gallagher brothers. the brothers i will be seeing in three freakin months. (!!!!!)

I will not die an unlived life. I will not live in fear of falling or catching fire. I choose to inhabit my days, to allow my living to open me, to make me less afraid, more accessible, to loosen my heart until it becomes a wing, a torch, a promise. I choose to risk my significance; to live so that which comes to me as seed goes to the next as blossom and that which comes to me as blossom, goes on as fruit.

"i love you i love you i love you"

"I hadn't been out to the hives before, so to start off she gave me a lesson in what she called "bee yard etiquette.” 

She reminded me that the world was really one big bee yard, and the same rules worked fine in both places: Don't be afraid, as no life-loving bee wants to sting you. Still, don't be an idiot; wear long sleeves and long pants. Don't swat. Don't even think about swatting. If you feel angry, whistle. Anger agitates, while whistling melts a bee's temper. Act like you know what you're doing, even if you don't. 

Above all, send the bees love. Every little thing wants to be loved".

the secret life of bees. sue monk kidd.

BRILLIANT FILM.

(although the book is such a beautiful novel filled with flowing words and prose. both are highly recommended).

for you. and you. and you.

this sickens me

dawn mentioned prop 8 recently, and i really urge any of you californians (i know you're out there!) to vote a huge freggin NO to this ban that fills me with anger.

equality is something we must all strive to work for. we all came from the same star in the sky, we live and breathe the same air. speak the same words. i am not asking that we all support one another's beliefs and practices... but i am asking that we at least RESPECT them. who people marry should NOT be something controlled by government.
i speak very openly about all the wonderful men in my life, who have wonderful male significant others. i truly speak up for them when they are too afraid to speak up for THEIR OWN BELIEFS in society. it is a sad, sad world when one of my best friends cannot be who he is in the workplace, because he doesnt want to put his career in jeopardy. it's a sad world when they are afraid to be open with the community, because of fear of how their family will be viewed. it's a sad world when people, so innocent, like matthew shepard are killed because of their sexuality.

i know that the times are changing, and we are more acceptable then we once were, but this is america. we are accustomed to so many eccentric and eclectic thoughts and beliefs, that same sex marriage should be so MINIMAL compared to everything else that is going in our nation. we are in a CRISIS. do we really have to pass a law that is going to say you can and cannot marry? this is ridiculous. how do you think we got into this crisis to begin with? by people paying too much attention to the little, and not enough time on the larger picture. rather then pass laws on who can marry who, let's not send so many troops to iraq. let's not tax working class to death. let's not frivolously spend money on the aforementioned war in iraq. let's give senior citizens a break with their health care. let's figure out if my generation is going to have social security when we retire. let's get the dow back. let's figure out why other countries want nothing to do with america. let's work on new york state highways that are some of the un-safest to drive on, in the country.
let's NOT worry about who is marrying who, and what is going on behind closed doors. let's accept. respect. and maybe, if it "disgusts" us so much, close our eyes to what we dont want to see -- but NEVER close our hearts. you cannot change who is going to love who, and that is a freggin fact. i just wish the close-minded people in this world would get off their high-horse, and 'face the facts'.




"when the message out there, is so horrible, that to be gay, you can be killed for it - we need to change the message". -ellen



(ellen is my hero).

please

we dont get two lives to live --

rachael yamagata's new album, elephants...teeth sinking into my heart is so glorious. it's (obviously) written from the heart and so raw and true. written by a girl who just got her heart broken. a girl who hurts, is angry and has such a voice. a voice of angels. a voice of pain. a voice of beauty.

favourite song? 'the only fault' (as of right now).



not to mention, she is beautiful, makes me miss my long hair and bangs.

live high:

jason mraz was beautiful in concert this past weekend at radio city music hall. i dont think i mentioned how amazed i was by his music and his performance.

he did so many favourites - but i get chills just watching this video. his words in this song - are my motto.

live high
live mighty
live righteously
just takin' it easy

this video itself, is just a little snippet on how my friday night was spent. beautiful. everything about it felt like a dream.


(rachel - please watch this video, and watch when the crowd goes crazy when obama shows up. it was unreal).

new jewels!

two of new favourite creations were added to my little shop this evening.


a cute little layering necklace
&
cute little earrings with flowers and leaves!
take a looksie! they are perfect for the autumn weather.

dear loving rachel ordered my favourite pair of earrings this evening, so tomorrow they will be sent away to maryland to move from my heart, to hers!

creating is always so beautiful. i hope if you had the day off, like myself, you were able to create something beautiful.

ps: my "everything book" has also begun creation this evening, as well!

xo

day off.

today, i decided, i am going to start an "everything book".

i was giving a gorgeous (bright pink! with my initials engraved!) blank hardcover book for christmas by a former boss. i was saving it for something special. someplace where i could write my dreams and capture them forever. but do i really have enough dreams to last 300 pages? (surely i do, but i didnt want to waste this beautiful book for solely that!)

then it hit me. why not put all of my important thoughts and dreams and collections in it? make a living inspirational journal. a dream diary. a book of everything. glue in beautiful cards and notes from friends. stick in photos with quotes that i want to capture forever. write and draw in my favourite inspirational words and doodles. staple in ticket stubs with beautiful words surrounding them.

i cant wait to get started. to create my dreams and make them come to life before my eyes.

what's so funny about peace, love and understanding?

YES YES YES

i mean, i always have been notorious for being a loud person. i always spoke my mind, and continue to speak my mind when things are wrong. i used to hold a lot of things back, but now i just get it out there. i dont always expect a response, and sometimes i am speaking to things that cannot even give me a response.

(ex: one afternoon, when i was working with gap, my manager found me talking to a mannequin, not just talking, but debating some of life's greatest mysteries, to a mannequin. i was perfectly okay with this, and fully aware i was speaking and venting to an object that obviously had no reaction to what i was saying. that is okay. i am a firm believer in speaking out your fears, worries, dreams, even if it's to a wall, a book, an animal... something that cannot judge you or question you. just get it out there).

i think this whole 'talking without thinking' thing runs in my blood. my grandfather talks to the tv. a lot. it would be during baseball games. "you're all bums! what are you doin on the major league??!" or it would be during law and order, "what! how can you not see that he is guilty?! get a new job! you stink!" if you are a regular with my family or my house, you know that these quotes directly come from him. 

a few weeks ago, i realized that i am really my grandfathers granddaughter. i reached the level in my life where i now yell at the tv during the debate. yes, i am yelling at politicians through the tv. scrumptious. teresa heard me yelling at mccain, and i thought nothing of it. it is typical in my house to hear someone yelling at the tv... until this morning, when i found myself, home alone, yelling at the newspaper reading the latest political headlines. 

seriously. i am ready for this election to be over and done with, because i want my sanity back. i want to not have to open the newspaper and yell at mccain's latest plan, and i want to not have to yell at him during a debate and remind him that he is running for president of the usa, not president of the vfw.

i dont care who you vote for, or who anyone votes for, but i just want people to VOTE. i am twenty four years old, and am presently being affected by our current economic crisis. i invest in the stock market, and check the market on a way-too frequent basis with a beating heart and shaky hands. i am a graduate student with more loans she needs to take out. i am a young woman who one day, would like to buy her own house. i want to be able to have a pension and live off of a 401k when i retire. i WANT to retire. right now, i feel very unsettled with our route of policies. i am awaiting a change, and a positive change. i want answers and i want to feel secure, both personally and as a whole, as a country, want security and freedom. global warming is already setting me on edge, so i would like to have a government and a leader that make me feel calm.

i vote for -

karma.

casual fridays.

lending a helping hand.

change.

being there for a stranger.

compassionate people.

ART.

gratitude.

grandparents.

tiny businesses.

compost piles.

peaceful hearts.

intelligence.

and end to war.

planting seeds on earth day.

those who cannot.

speaking your mind.

being true to yourself.

FREEDOM.

finding a cure for hiv/aids.

smiling.

what do you vote for?

"always

practice 

gratitude"

-jason mraz, radio city music hall, oct 10, 2008

f-r-e-e-d-o-m

today i let go.

(of a lot of hair.)

not quite the 11 inches that would be sufficient to keep a young girls head warm this winter, but damn close. my head feels lighter. both physically and mentally. lovin.

let me tell you about an artist

this doc (& trailer) made me cry.

it is so good for when you need some inspiration to do some doodles.

my inspiration for the day:

from the genius / brilliant / talented ryan adams --

(re: the latest economy crisis)

"i am not going to stop anything i am doing. i hope you don’t either.
keep the faith.
and keep moving.
darkness follows light-
light follows always
times infinity"

brilliant:

i started reading a copy from the library, and then found the same brilliant book at barnes and noble for $5. five freggin dollars. grabbed it up and will not let go. blue van meer follows me in my dreams.

i saw 'body of lies' this evening (ready for another bargain -- for free! thank you farmingdale library for free passes. see, sometimes it does pay to be a huge book worm). i left the movie with my jaw to the ground and the notion that: i am terribly spooked by the c.i.a. right now. they could be reading this right now and i am not afraid to admit, i am in amazement of what they are (and at times, are not) capable of, in a very peculiar way.

i am getting my hair (chopped off) on thursday. by chopped off, i really mean a GOOD, healthy trim. more layers and my bangs will be back. bangin' away. i cant wait. 

oh by the way, did you register to vote yet? only a few more days... let your voice be heard. please.

from up above

Marvelous Melissa, put yourself deep into the picture of your dreams. Feel, hear, see, taste, and smell the differences in your life. Imagine the many wonderful and surprising side effects of their manifestation, and see if I can't connect the dots.

This is how I roll,
The Universe




Try it now, Marvelous Melissa, for a few seconds... just to see how real you can make it feel...... I'm waiting....

moments to love a grandpa most.

today is sebmarine (my lovely grandfathers) birthday.  he is eighty something. eighty six maybe? either way, it doesnt matter. he doesnt look a day over seventy. he doesnt act a day over 13. i am not kidding about this, either.

as some of you may know, my stand-in-boyfriend/best friend's name is george. george burns, to be exact.

this morning, george sent an email to sebmarine. wishing him a happy birthday. such a sweet gesture that i knew KNEW knew seb would love. i came home from school, ran downstairs to smoother my lovable grandfather with birthday kisses, and i asked him if he got his email from a special person.

"well, allstate wished me a happy birthday!" he said. so proudly. with a huge smile on my face. as if his face and smile were saying, allstate and i are best friends! imagine that! i continued. asking him if he got an email from his best pal. 

(sidenote: his real best pal of over fifty years, uncle courtney as all knew him, died this past summer. part of my grandpa's laughter died with the passing of his childhood best friend. the night he passed, was the night of george's 25th birthday. when i was leaving to spoil my childhood best friend with birthday happiness, my grandpa stopped me, in tears, and told me how lucky i was to have such a caring and wonderful friend. "after all those years, you remain loyal to him and you two never stop laughing. dont ever stop laughing with him," were his words. i remember looking at him, the man who never cries, crying like a baby in front of me. unsure what to say, through his sobs he said "tell george i need a new best pal, i mean, i know he's yours, but i need someone to never stop laughing with").

so when i asked gramps about receiving an email from his best friend, he looked puzzled. i gave him a hint. "it would come from a george burns...." immediately his face lit up. he started laughing. tears streaming down his face. "OH!!! THAT GEORGE BURNS! I THOUGHT THE DEAD ACTOR GEORGE BURNS WISHED ME A HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SO I SAID THANK YOU IN REPLY!!!". never have i laughed so much. he is a special treat. i wish everyone had grandpa's like mine.

dreaming

someone once told me that if my master's degree doesnt pan out, i should consider being a children's librarian. there is something so beautiful and liberating about children's books. to be so young, and open a book, to a page filled with dreams and fantasies. to share this joy with children, and to read them stories that make them laugh, cry and gasp in horror. to be part of their imagination. to look at colourful words all day that play around on pages. to get inside their heads, and to be on their level of silliness. to make silly faces as you read along to them, and to colour outside the lines.

ive thought about the idea. however, i want to combine all my passions into one. a long-time dream of mine has been to open up a coffee shop. either somewhere in greenwich village or in a little nook on long island. a coffee shop that sells more then coffee, but words. a coffee shop bookstore. but not a bookstore that sells books that are on the top sellers list, but books that have changed my life. books that when i open, i am opening up the pages to lives of my friends in the books. books that actually make you F E E L and think. and of course, some brilliant classics that go forgotten about. little women, a tree grows in brooklyn, cat's cradle, the secret life of bees, the giving tree, anne frank. my shop will be filled with all of these books that i feel comfortable speaking about. a coffee shop bookstore that has book discussions. where ladies (and men) come every month to discuss a classic favourite. to debate on endings and "what if's". a coffee shop bookstore that has an upstairs studio for yoga. a place to unwind and find your inner self. your inner zen. namaste. a coffee shop bookstore yoga studio that sells local art, made by friends. paintings, jewelry, clothing, everything homemade and touched by our fingers. a place where everyone who walks in is a friend, a comforting home. like that places you see in the movies. i would wear a homemade apron everyday (a different one for each day of the week!) and welcome everyone, young and old, into my shop, as if it was my home. with homemade lemonsquares and orange juice cake and other family recipes. to be shared with my new family. my reading family.

this long term dream of mine unfortunately only has potential to stay a dream. it's so sad how our society is so fast-paced that we cant even appreciate sitting with a cup of tea to read a beautiful book. to have a place to go to unwind that is free of cell phones and wi-fi. everywhere we go, people are moving, talking on phones, IM'ing one another and are too busy to sit back and let their mind imagine. let their eyes dance along prose, poetry, novels, novellas and plays. instead our eyes gaze over text messages, emails and the television. i hope that one day, i can get the courage to follow a dream of mine, and force people to put away the blackberries, shut off the laptops, and enter my world. my world with hot teas, literature and art. my world of peace and intelligence. my world of happiness.

"choke" was wonderous. at first my initial reaction was "wow" but after it settled, it was really amazed by it. obviously, the book is so much better, but the movie really did it justice. impressed. i am.

today is a beautiful day. it screams autumn outside and i am l-o-v-i-n every second of fresh air. it wont last long. i am baking a pizza in the oven for my family, and tomorrow begins the first of many traditional sunday night italian feasts at my house. we're celebrating my grandpa's birthday, which means lasagna, cake, brownies and an autumn wine. i am okay with all of those luxuries.

george is my date to 13 the musical tonight and i cant wait to hug him and to be by his side. we havent seen each other in over a month (seriously) and my heart is going to explode in his arms. he put his night on hold in anticipation for the show. (george hates broadway shows. literally HATES them). i am blessed. by his subtle actions and by your presence in my life. everything is so peaceful right now.




life is what we make it
always has been,
always will be.





i hope your life is just as peaceful.
dance in the autumn wind and hug a close friend. let them know how special they are to you. make your family a special treat just because. smile as the leaves fall and the pumpkins start to show their faces. it's only here for a short amount of time. let's make the most of it. this happy life. happy weekend.

funday friday

josh radin and ingrid michaelson have been consuming my life lately. both separate and together. their words, humming, harmonies and guitars are beautiful. both separate and together. i feel like they have been friends of mine for years, because their words are so true and homely. both separate and together.

tonight i am seeing 'choke' with a friend (who i would really name and link to his blog. but......) & then we're goin to my favourite irish pub for dinner and blue moon. maybe pumpkin ale, if i am lucky. tomorrow, a good friend of mine who works for broadway scored me four free tickets to 13 the musical. it just so happens i know two people in the show, so i am really excited. a few people who have seen the show have raved about it (although we may be partial because of the aforementioned actors we know in the show), but i have a feeling it wont last on broadway long (it opens sunday evening), so i am grateful to squeeze in time to see it before it possibly closes. then, coop and i are going to lense's bands show (i dont even know if they have a myspace) and i am bringing only my favourite hipster of the century along, alessandro.

the weekend is good. today was an easy day, i played bingo with the ol' folk and convinced more people to register to vote. i am pretty sure all the non-english speaking ol' folk i work with think i am signing them up for a million dollars, when in reality, im signing them up for their chance to make a change in the world. which is really greater than a million dollars.

election day

i registered a few people to vote at work today, and it was beautiful. please note: im not registering the young eighteen year olds to vote, im registering the ol' folk. from age 65 and up. some of them were telling me today, that they never, EVER voted before (!).
and this year, they are hoping to make a change. elderly people, set in their ways, stubborn, content with everything, are registering to vote, to make a change. it blows my mind. it makes me so happy. some of them are new citizens, they are just learning the language, but are terribly anxious to vote for the first time.
no matter their story, they sign by the 'x' with a huge smile on their face and thank me. i know i have done them well.

if they are changing their ways, why cant you?

THINGS TO DO IN OCTOBER

-more quilting
-finish crocheting a scarf for a newborn in need
-get my room organized
-stay happy
-rid every form of white food out of my diet (this will be difficult. baby steps)
-carve a pumpkin for home AND work
-see equus
-return phone calls sooner
-put more goodies on my etsy site
-send more snail mail
-surprise someone daily
-be lighter physically and mentally
-meditate every morning
-stay grateful


what will you do this month?

today's for you

i cannot wait two months to see this in concert:


ottoman - vampire weekend

it has been the greatest and happiest (!) beats to come into my head. george and i have a new habit, and it's texting each other lyrics, and the other person has to text the next lyric in that song. needless to say, half of our lyrics are vampire weekend (or girl talk. seriously). we used to text other quotes from snippets of conversations we had, but we stepped it up and moved onto music. move over jesse lacey, someone may have taken the spot in my heart that was always reserved for brand new. and his name isnt george, either. this band is sick.

ps: i found how i am going to cut my hair! yes yes yes!

hey.

i came across this from ze frank, and my arm hairs stood up and tears exploded in my eyes.

it's something that some of us may need now, or something that some of us will bookmark and use when the time is right. whenever you listen to it, close your eyes and smile. youre okay. youre doing the best you can. you are worth it. everything negative will pass, tomorrow is a new day, and today is a beautiful day.

ze frank: a children's song for adults.

enjoy. xo.