I REALIZED TODAY:

that it is perfectly normal to wear my own creations. and when someone says "where is that from!" i can say, with pride, "oh, i made it!". nothing to be ashamed of. not a damn thing.

in the case of good books, the
point is not to see how many of
them you can get through, but
how many can get through to you.
-mortimer adler

today i have the day off, and i plan on spending it in numerous libraries, picking up books that i have on reserve. i have become obsessed with reading. there was one summer, where i was averaging five books a week. this was also the summer i worked in the children's library, doing their reading program, so there was opportunity and praise given when you sat down and read. that was a good summer.

i wish more parents got their children involved in reading. (here it comes - huge nerd alert!). i think it's so disappointing that none of my younger cousins are even romotely interested in books. growing up, timmy, greg and i were swamped with books. we still are. we still fan girl about good reading (timmy's current rave: bonk: the curious coupling of science and sex. greg's current rave: siddhartha). we are 32, 25 and 23, and shoot back emails like we're five years old, raving about good books, symbolism, what we should read next, and my favorite, our obsession with online catologs. we would read so much growing up, that we would have to sneak it with flashlights under our blankets because we didnt want to get caught. today's society isn't like that. it's all, books on tape, classic literature turned into awful movies, and books like "gossip girl" that truly, a thirteen year old should NOT be reading.

what happened to jane austen? jd salinger? vonnegut? louisa may alcott? fitzgerald? those were some of my best friends growing up, and today, kids dont even know who they are. such a shame. they are the warriors of writing.

women & cats will do as they please,
and men and dogs should relax,
and get used to the idea.

you find peace not by
rearranging the circumstances of
your life, but by realizing who
you are at the deepest level.
- eckhart tolle

"whitman lit some insense. then he brought my little portable stereo into the living room, put a joni mitchell album on the turntable, and made us listen to the songs in the dark". -the ruins of california, p.51

exactly what i am doing right now...

late-night read

the second book i am conquering in a twelve hour span is 'ruins of california'. it's an easy ready (VERY easy) about california circa the 1970s. it's family-based, but has a lot of societial references to the era, which makes it quirky and enjoyable.

in other news: no matter how many times i may speak to the man, jim norton always makes me completely starstruck and always in awe. how can one single man be so freggin talented? he is a delight. i am more then thrilled to see what he does next in the theatre world. he keeps me on the edge of my seat, that is for sure.

mid-day read.

i have beat my own record and finished a 400 page book in less then a day. in less then twelve hours, i fell in love with three women and became their friend. their therapist. their guru. in less then twelve hours i worked, went to the gym, slept all morning, made home-ade grits, ate bbq hamburgers, and finished a book. sick.

"all we ever wanted was everything" by first time novelist janelle brown, was the title. it took me away to a whole new place. it sounds very chic-lit, but it's actually pretty deep. three women, trying to find themselves in the rich suburbs of california. i felt like i was sleeping in their guest bedroom today.

THINGS THAT I MISS

well not things, but moreso like a THING, and that THING would be my bangs. my hair is a curly mess (thanks to numerous thunderstorms and a 40 hour work week) and i am the furthest thing from amused by my current 'do. i even had a dream about my hair dresser (yes teresa! i am dreaming about heather!) which is sure enough a sign being thrown at me saying, GET YOUR FREAKIN HAIR CUT, WOMAN. i am also playing with dying it. i always wanted to have some red, but part of me wants to go really dark. and i know, my hair is black, so going darker isnt even an option. i am torn. there are so many more important things to do in my life, rather then get my hair cut, but for some reason i really need it.

mild-ly in love.

the most beautiful part of this video is that you can barely hear ezra because the crowd owned this song. i miss it so much. i miss THEM. bands from ny should only play in ny. it should be a rule. and also, the footage of this video shows you exactly what we went through in that rain - the poor girl's camera got TRASHED.

they both deserved so much more then a single tony win.

everythings coming up... broadway...

california texted me, "what are you doing? call me, let's catch up". texted him back, "watching the tony's, will call later! xo!" his response: "you need to go out more".

if only he knew...

tonys tonys tonys. all things broadway. bought me to some of my most beautiful best friends. love affair with broadway started at a young age, during a show called cats, but became obvious at age 16, while seeing the lion king. become more obvious at age 23, seeing passing strange. will become further obvious at age 24, seeing billy elliot.

tonight i am eternally grateful for the people who have some into my life through that street in manhattan. it was a good season. there are particular shows that stand still in my heart... (gallaghers last at spring awakening and holding kate's hand the entire show, crying with michelle during passing strange, the high i felt after august: osage county, krysta as vanessa during in the heights, learning and expanding my mind during the farnsworth invention, the legacy of rent, missing clay aiken in spamalot and being okay with it, and meeting jim norton and being speechless).

tonight i feel honored to have the ability to see a new show every week. to live in a city where such beautiful pieces of art to come to life. and to form a bond with people who feel the same way i do. my heart and soul would be lost without them.

& is it a sign, that tomorrow is my first day at the new job, and my new boss was a former broadway star? it all fits together, life.

celebrating sebby day

my dad's been out of the picture (for better or for worse) for over ten years. but this guy right here, he's been in my heart and in the picture for 23+ years. today i (and all of us!) celebrate him. and the people just like him.

rain rain rain rain, everywhere

yesterday i did the nuttiest thing. i stood in the POURING RAIN, with thunder and lightening, to see vampire weekend take the summerstage in central park. and can i just tell you something? it was so worth it. i have never in my life had so much fun before. everything and everyone was soaked. no one cared about umbrellas anymore. we were all covered in mud and filthy, but all sharing so much love and support for some pretty fly guys from new york city. they were amazing. and people traveled from all over to see them, and suffice to say, everyone agreed it was a trip well worth it.
i was (and still am), bloody, bruised, dirty, sore, wet, a mess, and had the best. time. ever. i danced my heart out in the pouring rain with four of my best friends, and would do it over and over and over again. the smiles on our faces were endless.

i tried to find a video to show the rain, but no avail. it was literally pouring the hardest as soon as vamp wkend took the stage. i havent seen it rain that hard in a long time! figures. but my friends, this was glorious. and if you know me, you know i hate rain. but them. this. so worth it. i wish it was vamp wkend, everyweekend! i cannot rave about the great time we had, and how freakin good those guys sounded. i have a new love. move over weezer, let the weekend of vampires take over!

(and i hope this video settles your hearts.)

RIP

my journalistic heart cannot get over this.

"Life is good for you and your friends and you should find that they can help with a surprising array of issues in your life. You may feel like a kid in some ways, but it's not so bad!"

-- today's horoscope

she speaks my mind, way too often.

hide&seek.

six months ago, i applied for a position to be a visual merchandiser for gap, inc. brand, thinking i would never get it. surprisingly so, within a week, my life went from all things public relations, advertising, press releases, business suits and being a personal assistant, to all things relating to perfect folding, mapping, windows, colors, textiles, over-nights and the holiday season. (not to mention, my right-hand man, broke his ankle falling out of a display window a week into my job!) i started out nervous, confused about my sudden career change, a wardrobe that included a lot of black, but was embraced by a group of love, (which became my family), fifty percent discounts, a knack for style, a love for steaming, an eye for stitches and a-lines, and a wardrobe that now includes nothing black and every and anything relating to color and scarves. and not to mention, over four pairs of pure-white converse sneakers.

six weeks ago, i was told i was being taken away from my family, and being thrown into a new one within the gap world. a better position, closer to home, and some more dough in my pocket. i cried. i bawled. i tried to fight it.

all failed. no one felt my pain. "youll be ok".

tomorrow, is the day i have been dreading for six weeks. i leave my family in the shore, to join a new family at broadway. a new location, a new outlook and new walls to build during flow. i leave behind my heart, the people who made me as 'gap strong' as i am. the ones who help me every. day. make the stores look as freakin good as they do. the people who go for "one martini" with me after a hard days work. the people who know how crazy i get when it's new flow. the people who put my size on hold when it goes on sale. the people who GET me. the people who know that every mannequin better have on a freakin scarf. the people who just know.

this is for them. & for all of you who have worked with people who have touched your life, like how my little gap family has touched mine. tomorrow will be the hardest goodbye to a job that i will ever have to do. and im not even leaving the company, i am just getting transfered!

so. dear 716: it has been a journey. i will miss it.

i dont know what is funnier.

the fact that it's ages 4+ or the fact that i am expecting an 8 foot tree to grow in a tiny apartment and i am ready to eat bananas from it.

that sky and that boy are my perfect world.

lookie what we have here...

in the past hour i have managed to find:

my social security card (told you).
photos from graduation, which was over two years ago, mind you, that i have been meaning to frame.
my purple rimmed glasses from HIGH SCHOOL. (booyah!).
15 playbills to the same show signed by the same, single person. i like to call him papa.
a gift card for $100!!
a list of books i have been wanting to read since probably, grade 11.
earrings upon earrings upon earrings i buy for myself and never wore!
new undies! (yes, i went digging in the underwear drawer).
a watch that still works!
one of my psych textbooks that i thought i lost in the library!

and. and. and.

!!!! theeee best of all,

(let us bypass my 'i just got back from the gym and just searched my room for two hours' look i have goin on. and face close attention to how happy i am to flee this freggin country in a few months!

LOST:

passport!

last seen in a cab in nyc upon entering back into the states from the caribbean. was singing crazy frog with george while matt and mary were miserable in nyc traffic. we were all sunkissed and wishing we were back on water slides and mixing jager and coke again. color: blue. size: tiny. stamps from spain and paris and the aforementioned caribbean. much needed to go back to the aforementioned (again) caribbean this fall to visit alex.

no seriously.
what do you do when you think your passport is lost?!? is this the same as getting my identity stolen?! i am not good with this stuff. i am not good with holding onto important things. says the girl who used to carry her social security card in her wallet until she lost her wallet in high school.

my hearts.

when in a funk, these are the people i turn to. all that i question about myself is unquestionable with them. they know me soemtimes better then i think i know myself. they make me feel beautiful, creative, intelligent and well-rounded. without them, id be lost.

Sometimes in our lives we all have pain
We all have sorrow
But if we are wise
We know that there's always tomorrow

Lean on me, when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on


Please swallow your pride
If I have things you need to borrow
For no one can fill those of your needs
That you don't let show

Lean on me, when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on

If there is a load you have to bear
That you can't carry
I'm right up the road
I'll share your load
If you just call me

So just call on me brother, when you need a hand
We all need somebody to lean on
I just might have a problem that you'd understand
We all need somebody to lean on

Lean on me when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
Till I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on

Lean on me...




ps: i have SO MANY more of you i wanted to share, but sadly, blogger only lets me post four photos at a time. sob.

"i live on an island and listen to jazz all day long.
the sun is always shining, but you can still see the stars.
the breeze sings astonishingly like ella and the wind rumbles in a louis way.
my friends and i dance under magic skies."

emily haines and the soft skeleton:

i cant get enough of emily haines & the soft skeleton. my dear relative in california and i often make mix cds for one another (i share a bit of new york with him and he shares a bit of san fransisco with me) and he made me one with one emily haines & the skeleton song (our hell was the song, for those inquiring minds) and i needed more! she is genius. remember my love for rilo kiley? totally out the window right now. rilo who? i cant believe the aforementioned relative was even capable of discovering something so beautiful and something so me! normally i am giving him the epic bands and he is literally sending me elijah wood singing 'the puppet master'.



it brings tears to my eyes.

green (black) thumbs up.

i am truly convinced that i did not inherit my mother's green thumb. no matter how many gardening books i read, how many times george teaches me and no matter how many afternoons i spend in the garden with my grandmother, i do not get it. i really want to be a good gardener, too! maybe that is why i am not a good gardener, and kill all things green... because i try too hard. maybe if i leave my green friends alone and do not fuss over them, they will flourish. i care too much about them. i cant just let them sit in the hot sun! they look parched, always. i dont get it. is there such a term as 'over-caring for your garden'? because if not, i should deem it my own term with my own defination and a photo of my smiling self, right smack underneath it all.

reunion tour (!)

waiting. genius. planet unicorn. daft punk. peanut butter jelly time. rivers. i need this live and in person. right now. sigh.

hi!

going to bed before 11pm is liberating.

& i FINALLY found a tiny harmonica that plays eight notes (!) to add onto a necklace. my heart cant wait to play its little soul out. i am ready to be a rockstar.

ps: i finished 'water for elephants'. sobbed like a baby at the end. i always get myself attached to books and the characters, and never know, or enjoy, saying goodbye to them. closing a book after the final chapter is ending another chapter in my life. i want them to be endless. i have to have an experience with infinity, much like francie nolan's (a tree grows in brooklyn) experience with infinity, but with books. of all shapes and sizes.

i am sunkissed

spent all morning in the beautiful sun.
reading. writing. cat-napping. eating sandwhiches with four of my favorite elderly people. drinking sun tea. discussing literature, politics, the 1940's, new sewing stitches, black and white photos and world war II. these are my people. i was made to provide company, warmth, guidance, and more importantly, a friend. i love gray hair.

three films that have my made my heart happy this week:

(young liv tyler, art, italy.. what is not beautiful about this film?)


(obsessed with everything about it).


(the inner psych in me jumps up and down with glee!)